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Who would have thought that we could inspire someone to go on a cycling trip before we even get on our bikes? What would
George W. call it... pre-emptive inspiration?
Actually, they've been planning this for about a year now.
Simon Vivian has arrived up in Brisbane to go with his brother David (from Week 18) and two other
mates, Smackers and Dave, on the Cycle Queensland tour! It's a 543km ride from Bundaberg to Brisbane. That's quite a feat!
They've trained hard (well, not really), pumped up (maybe their tires), and prepared themselves for the mental stress of
biking 75-100 kilometers a day (with a little help from Dr. XXXX). They're in good spirits, and, ladies of planet Earth,
believe it or not, they're all single...
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it's raining men...
That's right, these four hot bods are unattached and on the prowl. Who cares that Cycle Queensland male participants outnumber
the females 4 to 1? That means there'll still be three of them for the other 3 billion ladies out there to drool over when the
race is over. Who wants some? Huh? Who wants it?
Let's meet our four eligible bachelors this week...
Bachelor #1: David
Age: 39
Sign: Aquarius
From: Camira
Job: Construction
What should ladies know about you?
"I have absolutely nothing
to offer you."
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Bachelor #2: Simon
Age: 37
Sign: Pisces
From: Horsham
Job: Teacher
What kind of girl interests you?
"My only requirement is that
she must be female."
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Bachelor #3: Smackers
Age: 39
Sign: Pisces
From: Melbourne
Job: Accountant
What's sets you apart from others?
"I don't really have red hair."
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Bachelor #4: Dave
Age: 28
Sign: Gemini
From: Springfield
Job: Pest Control
What's your best pickup line?
"Here I am, come and get me! Rowr!"
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So, what do you think? Who's the best catch?
We're letting you decide! Will it be...
(By the way, if anyone wants to take it to the next level, just
email us, and maybe we can hook you up.)
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Simon Says:
Age: 37
Job: Teacher
Mdl Name: Andrew
Birthplace: Waracknabeal, VIC
Simon Loves:
Favourite Movie:
4 Wed. & A Funeral
Favourite Song:
Brown Eyed Girl
Footy Team:
Essendon Bombers
Colour: Blue
Simon Hates:
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My bank balance.
If you could change one thing about your brother, what would it be?
Definitely the hair.
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meet bachelor #2
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Since you learned all about what a nice guy David is back on Week 18, we
thought we should tip the scales back a bit by telling you all about his brother, Simon. You won't find out any
of this on Parent Teacher Night...
Why did you become a teacher? Because every day is different, and I
love to learn.
If you weren't a teacher, what yould you want to be? If I didn't want
to be a teacher, I wouldn't be one. I'm doing exactly what I want to do.
What do you do in your spare time? Bike riding, reading, shopping, spending
time with friends and listening to music.
If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who?
Maybe... Jon Lennon? Or Queen Elizabeth.
What is your most embarrassing moment?
I know I've had lots of little ones, but it's got to be the time we were collecting worms for fishing,
and the best place to get worms was the sewerage farm. I needed to cross a ditch, which looked like
it had a crust on the surface, but when I took a step I ended up waist deep in raw sewerage.
If you were a food, what would you be? These are getting tough... hmm...
I think I'd be bread. It's versatile, healthy, goes with everything. No one hates bread.
What's your scariest dream? Well, I had a dream that I
was at my own wedding, that was pretty scary!
Why aren't you married? No beautiful girls have asked me. Maybe it's
because I'm selfish and I don't share!
Describe your ideal woman. We'll start small: someone who likes me. Actually,
I'd like someone who likes the same things as me, I can converse with, and isn't afraid of compromise.
And though it's last on the list, money and good looks don't hurt either.
Who was your high school crush? Jenny McRae.
Interview conducted by
Emma,
Jess, and
Millie.
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where's wally wombat?
Simon's here! Simon's here! Wally is jumping for joy, because his old buddy Simon from
Horsham 298 is here!
It's good to see a familiar face. Wally was getting homesick!
It's really really tough to find Wally this week! Keep your eyes peeled!
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why are we being sponsored?
Bikeabout!
click here to see what we're up to!
One of the pros on the list of reasons to come back up to David's had to be Zanzarah, with a capital Z (pronounced 'Zed')! I
know we were trying to reason that David's is cheaper, it's getting late in the year, better to start North, blee blee blee,
but what I was really thinking
was "Zanzarah... Zanzarah..." I'm only two fairies away from collecting all 77! And I have 28 of the pixies! Eeee hee hee!
I just need a few more trips to the Enchanted Forest to find Grem and Beltaur! Giggle!
This is Kevin, by the way.
"Stupid farmers... Why don't they pray for something useful, like an Essendon Premiership?."
- David.
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Did we ever tell you the story of how we ended up at David's? Back in Horsham, I went to visit my
old primary school. We met a tall, lanky guy named Simon in the staff room and chatted with him for about 10 minutes, and he
said, "When you get to Brisbane, look up my brother." We did, and that guy was David. And we've been here ever since.
Anyway, Simon's up for a visit.
"If your buddies ask how you got rich and you say you had sex with Robert Redford, they'd laugh and say 'bullshit,' but if you tell them that someone dared you to eat spew, they'd say 'That's disgusting, I'm going home.'"
- Kevin.
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Happy birthday dear Millie... Happy birthday to you! David's youngest daughter just turned 10! Loaded with energy and
a joie de vivre, Millie picked the Sizzler for her birthday eats. Who needs birthday cake when you've got all you can eat
salad bar with tiramisu, pavlova and sticky date pudding? Not Millie, that's for sure! Nor Dr. Zaius sitting next to her!
"I produce a lot of waste product."
- David.
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brush with stupidity
Huntsman! |  |
I was going to do one of those drawn out, suspenseful, Brush With Death style writeups, but I think the events of this
afternoon can be summed up with David's comment: "Hang on, let me see if I can get him to crawl on my
tongue." Enough said.
(Incidentally, he mentioned later that the only reason he didn't try harder was that he was afraid it would
scurry down his throat. Guess he's not so stupid after all!)
David: "We should consider doing one of the legs of Cycle Queensland in the nude."
Kevin: "Yeah, the third leg."
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...at two o'clock in the frickin' frackin' morning. I don't know who dreamed up Cycle Queensland, but I think if it was me
I would have made sure the Brisbane participants got a little more sleep the night before the big first day. The four boys
head over to a carpark by three o'clock, to catch a five hour shuttle to Bundaberg, the starting point, and boom, off they
go. They could have upped the price another 50 bucks, had the shuttle ship out at three the afternoon before, and have everyone
get a good night's rest at Hotel Duluth.
Anyway, best of luck, guys. 54 km on one hour of sleep. You'll need it.
"Lift me up like a cow!"
- Aimee.
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All Day! All Kylie! Only on MTV!
What do you know about Kylie Minogue? Did you know she played Charlene Mitchell on the Aussie soap opera
Neighbours? Did you know she and her co-star Jason Donovan were lovers both on and off the screen? Did you know that
her first hit I Should Be So Lucky (lucky lucky lucky) was a Number 1 hit for six weeks? Did you know in that song
she says the word "lucky" 65 times in three minutes? Did you know her middle name was Ann?
Now let me ask the most important question... Do you care?
"How does one do the Locomotion? Besides the swing-your-hips bit."
- Kevin.
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who's your daddy?
These Aussies have got everything backwards. Would you believe that Fathers' Day is the first Sunday in September? It's
supposed to be in June! Anyway, in celebration of Fathers' Day, we've got a little contest for you.
First, meet the daddies...
These are some of the newest daddies we know. At least, three of them are daddies; we threw in an extra non-daddy to make
the contest a little tougher. Can you match the baby with his or her daddy? Good luck!
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piker:
(n.) one who says he's going to do something, but pulls out at the last minute. Verb form: to pike. One who pikes is a piker.
collection
75 
2 
Scorpion 
si hi!
Lasagna 
Muffins 
thanks a mil
2 
3
1 
road warriors
543km 
9 
early start
2am 
9am 
so lucky
6 
13,000,000 
