week 47...
victoria's bitter

Kingston to Horsham

I know, I know, we're not finished yet. In fact, we've still got a couple of states to go. But, to our credit, we can successfully say that we've completed the FOUR LARGEST STATES in Australia! Queensland: CHECK! Northern Territory: CHECK! Western Australia: SUPER BIG CHECK! South Australia: CHECK! Wheeeeee!!!

We were going to celebrate our crossing of the border with a bottle of South Australian beer (Coopers of course, not that West End sludge) and a bottle of Victoria Bitter, but an ice cold beer wasn't exactly what we were thirsty for on an ice cold day.
top ten signs we're back in victoria...

10. Channel 10!
 9. People actually barracking for Victorian AFL teams again.
 8. Rest Areas replaced by "Powernap Areas"
 7. Man-eating Huntsman Spiders
 6. The Age, Sunday Edition
 5. Wipe off 5
 4. Safeway, not Wooley's
 3. Nibble Nobby's Nuts
 2. Cockatoo morning wakeup calls
1. Big M Banana Milk! Yummy!
You know what I really hate, besides everything? I hate when you want to take a picture of someone and they say, "No, I'll break your camera." It's such a friggin' predictable joke. Like when someone mentions beans, and some dork follows it up with a fart joke. If this is you, it's time to change your repertoire.

Same with if you've ever said "Have something, will travel" when you see someone carrying something. Or how about "I don't know anything about computers; I don't even know how to turn it on." Hey stupid, it's the big button on the front. Sheesh.

I'm Mr. Skinnylegs, and I reckon that's crap.

Be sure to read "I Reckon That's Crap" every week, only on Beimers.com!

*The opinions expressed by Mr. Skinnylegs do not necessarily reflect those of beimers.com. If you have any complaints, direct them to mrskinnylegs@beimers.com.
these are the people in our neighbourhood...

Naracoorte KGB
Sure, they look like they're just having lunch, but they've actually been assigned to follow us around Naracoorte until we've left town. Wherever we went, these two girls were right behind: the library, the park, the bakery, the newsagency... sneaky.
Rainsford Family
Oscar, the four-and-a-half year old, is the head of the Rainsford household. If you want to see the rest of the family (Andy, James and Alice; sadly, no picture was taken of Robynne), you have to go through him. Careful, though... he kills blue people.
Andy's Sister
The morning we left Andy's place, we were stopped by a member of the Wimmera tourism board for a promotional photo... and she turned out to be Andy's Sister! Small world, eh? Yup, small world, it is!
Annette
Annette owns the bakery in Edenhope. She was so intrigued by our adventure that she gave us each a free pie, a free bowl of soup, and about $30 worth of pastry to take with us on the road! Thanks Annette!
Wendy
Another impromptu interview, which took place in Annette's bakery. Wendy wasn't the regular reporter, but since she couldn't find him, she asked the questions and took the photos. We'd say she did a pretty decent job! Thanks Wendy!
Matthew & Paul
And still more reporters! Paul, believe it or not, was the same photographer from way way back before the trip started who took our pic for the Mail-Times our first time through Horsham. Small world, eh? Matthew was new, though. Great article, Matt!
...and another thing. What about people who say "small world"? "You're Andy's Sister? And we met you on the road out of Andy's house? Small world!" Sheesh.

Listen. Do your old pal Mr. Skinnylegs a favour: next time you're talking to someone and you say:
  "Oh, you're from Lukewarmington? Do you know Donald?"
  and they say, "No, can't say that I do,"
  you should reply, "Huh, how 'bout that? Big world!"
You'll mess the other person right up. Go on, try it.

I'm Mr. Skinnylegs, and this has been an "I Reckon That's Crap" supplemental.
wally's amazin' facts!
The water in the Murray River turns plenty of the Australian cropland into wine... over half of Australia's wine production is fueled by the Murray! That's a lot of wine! Jeepers!

This Week's Amazin' Fact: Ever heard of Mount Arapiles? You must not be a rock-climber, because any rock-climber who considers themselves a rock-climber has heard of Mount Arapiles. From the highway, Mount Arapiles (pronounced a-RAP'-il-eez) just looks like a big lump of rock in the middle of a sheep paddock, but it's actually got over 100 trails and routes of varying difficulty to reach the top!

I guess this is where Bridgette Muir did most of her training. Whassa? Who's Bridgette Muir? Look, hey, I'd tell you, but I gotta go do wombat things. Maybe I'll fill you in next week! See ya later, mashed pertater!

Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
the kingston news gal and kate winslet... separated at birth?

Distance this week: 269kmDistance since Day 1: 12870km

What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!

Day 323: Just the way she is
Distance Travelled: 76.4km Temperature: 0
Time on Trikes: 8.0h Water Left: 3.0L
Terrain: Flat & Wet
End Location: Lucindale Junction
off with her head!
Aimee, get your head out of the oven! Life's can't be that bad! Sure, we slept in the rain last night, and biked in the rain this morning, and the Kingston town barbeque wasn't functioning, and you didn't get to see the Kingston Human Sundial of Innovation, and the Giant Lobster Gift Shop was closed, and you didn't get to buy the cheese that was on sale, and the petrol station was playing Billy Joel's "Just the way you are" on an endless loop... hang on, is there room in there for me? Hey, this is a dryer!
   If your Monday morning in Kingston is as miserable as ours, the least you can do is stop by the bakery. Everything was on sale! Nummy!

"This is Channel Seven. The weather today is crap-ass, with an outlook of crap-ass later on into the week. So, if you're homeless, it's a good day to stay in your cardboard box. Back to you in the studio."
- Aimee.
Day 324: Bacon & Eggs
Distance Travelled: 70.2km Temperature: 9
Time on Trikes: 8.0h Water Left: 2.5L
Terrain: Flat & Wet
End Location: Andy's in Apsley
batting a thousand
Boy oh boy, does Victoria ever have a tough act to follow.
   We left South Australia this morning. On our way into the state, we expected to breeze through in three weeks, tops. We didn't know anybody, we hadn't heard there was much to see and do, and we were looking forward to getting back to our "home state", so to speak. Instead, here we are, nine weeks later, just jumping the Victorian border now. No wonder we needed to extend our visa.
   So, the question is... did we stay so long, and so many nights indoors, because South Australians are nicer than any other state? Or is it simply because there are more people here, and we'll be staying indoors from here all the way up the East Coast? Only time will tell.
   But so far, here in Victoria, we're one for one, thanks to the Rainsford family of Apsley, Victoria. We didn't know them yesterday, but today we're dry and happy and full of bacon and eggs. Thanks!

And... thanks to everyone in SA who gave us a hand!
Gary, Nullarbor Roadhouse
Barb, Ceduna
Jacqui, Mt. Dutton B&B
The Peninsula Pedallers
Kingsley & Raelene, Pt. Lincoln
The Calderwoods, Coolibar
John & Diana, Tumby Bay CP
The Sheridans, Pt. Neill
Rob, Reg & Gladys, Whyalla
Paul McRitchie, Whyalla
Bernie & Ben, Pt. Augusta
Orange car, Horrock's Pass
The Hills, Mintaro
Syd Winer, Adelaide
Brenton & Nadene, Saunders Gorge
Pat & Brian, The Balcony B&B


"I'm the kind of guy with a $10 head, so I put a $10 hat on it."
- Andy.
Day 325: Odd Experience
Distance Travelled: 56.2km Temperature: 8
Time on Trikes: 5.5h Water Left: 0.0L
Terrain: Good enough
End Location: Goroke Junction
our very own oz experience
We've been asked by a number of local yokels why we don't "just sell the bikes and buy a bus ticket! Haw haw!" The answer, is this man.
   Actually, despite the Jackson Five wig, this dude was one of the funnest bus drivers we've had the pleasure of meeting. If he's this fun driving, imagine how much fun he is when he's drinking! And being the tour guide for the Oz Experience bus, we're pretty sure he spends most of his time doing one or the other.
   He passed us in the rain today, then pulled over in front of us to get our story and give us five minutes in a nice, warm bus. Then, instead of offering us a tow like everyone else, he asked us for one instead. There's nothing we like better than an original thinker.
   On your next visit to Australia, if you're not planning on seeing the country by Penninger tandem recumbent tricycle, try an Oz Experience bus instead. Ask for this guy by name! We'd tell you his name, but we don't know it, so print out the photo and bring it along!

"Hey, listen, maybe he was the Hitler of turtles. The death of that turtle was a godsend for oppressed turtles everywhere. That turtle... was Yertle."
- Kevin.
Day 326: 23 Skidoops!
Distance Travelled: 66.5km Temperature: 10
Time on Trikes: 7.0h Water Left: 1.5L
Terrain: Smooth
End Location: Simon's, Horsham
the revolution of #9
In the words of Bruce Willis, how can the same thing happen to the same guy twice? Of course, he was dealing with terrorists at the time. We just have trouble following directions.
   The instructions from Simon were simple: Natimuk Road, left on Gardenia, right on Laurel, left on Iris, and duck into number 23. That's his house. We were to park under the carport and he should have been home in a few minutes. Easy stuff.
   So, we went back up Natimuk Road, took a left on Gardenia, a right on Laurel, and a left on Iris, and voila! (That's French for "voila") There was number 23 on the corner. The door to the carport was open, and in we went. We parked the bikes, sat down at a patio chair, and waited for Simon while tucking into a celebratory Sticky Date Pudding.
   Twenty minutes and half a sticky date later, we saw Simon emerge from a house across the street on his bike, and come looking for us. "Simon!" we shouted, because that was his name. Simon returned, and pointed to the mailbox of the house whose carport we were currently occupying: 23 Laurel Street. Oops! How were we to know? I mean, the 10kg sacks of Sheep Deworming Mix should have clued us in, but hey, at least we didn't let ourselves inside!
   By the way, did I mention we were back in Horsham? Yay!

"Ooh, I've never slept in a bakery before..."
- Aimee.
Day 327: Yummy!
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 12
End Location: Simon's
the bachelor, part ii
If you're just joining us, we have with us Simon Vivian, a primary school teacher from Horsham, Victoria. One year ago, we put him up against three other single male cyclists in a no-holds-barred contest of unadulterated manhood. The first was his brother, the second was his childhood friend, and the third was his brother's workmate. Who was the most desirable?

The polls are now closed. Here are the results:

12%
5 votes

73%
28 votes

5%
2 votes

10%
4 votes

David Simon Smackers Dave
We asked Simon what he felt contributed most to his success, and he told us it was probably the fact that everyone in the Horsham 298 Primary staff room voted for him one afternoon. Sounds like you've got some admirers, Simon! Best of luck with the ladies!

If you would like to arrange a secret meeting with Simon, or any of the other boys, at the local Tabaret, email us, and we'll try to get you onto his dance card. But we're not guaranteeing anything. He's a loner... A rebel! He gathers no moss, if you know what I'm saying.

"I didn't know anyone could shop that long in Horsham."
- Simon.
Day 328: Big Little City
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 13
End Location: Simon's
growing with pride!
Last time we came to Horsham, it was straight out of Melbourne. We thought, how cute. Everything's so little!
   Now, a year later, we've learn what little really means. Little is a town where the hardware store, the toy store and the news agency are in the same room. Little is a town where you ask directions at the petrol station, rather than a petrol station. Little is a town that's smaller than your average Bunnings Warehouse.
   We've changed our minds: Horsham's HUGE!

"Get me something you'd hate."
- Aimee.
Day 329: Below the Belt
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 10
End Location: Simon's
mother of a book
We were digging through Simon's collection of old books and came across "Things Every Mother Should Know", a yellowed, hard-covered tome from the 1930s or 40s. Man, it's awesome. It's got all kinds of ancient home remedies for relieving rickets, polio and small pox (most of which involve kerosene oil in some way), all the while restoring vigour and manhood. I didn't see anything in there about leeches, bloodletting or the balancing of humours, but I suppose those are the things that needed to be done by a medical-man at the time.
   Of course, the highlight of the book is located towards the back, and it deals, in plain fact, with the unmentionables. That's right: the 'S' word, wink wink. In a nutshell, it's perfectly permissible, strictly for procreation and the continuation of the species and all, but, well, let's just say if you go practicing on yourself, and you know what I mean, there are bad times ahead for you, my vile, droopy-eyed friend. Epilepsy, brain-softening, clammy hands, loss of honesty and veracity, decline of manly vigour... you'd better read it yourself, before you go blind.
   And remember, don't do drugs.

"What, no sausage sizzle?"
- Kevin.
LCM: (n.) Rice Krispie Square, another popular children's lunchtime treat along with Fritz. Why they're not called RKSs in North America is beyond me. Hey, did you know Aussies don't have Rice Krispies? They're called Rice Bubbles here! Ha!

If you know what LCM stands for, tell us! We don't know!


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© 2003 Kevin & Aimee Beimers. Aw, did that mean ol' helmet scare you?