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All is silent in the stadium before everyone stands to sing Waltzing Matilda.
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the truth hurts...
It's a footy tradition: you go to the game and you get yourself a meatpie. Heat it up, toss on
some dead 'orse (that's ketchup to you and me), and you're in heaven. Actually, by eating one
you may get there that much faster, and may actually contain a dead horse. What is Australia
eating?
We investigated (actually, there was an article in the paper) and found that you're eating just
about anything that falls under the classification of "meat". That's right, it ain't a "beef
pie". It's a "meat pie". And unfortunately, just about every living thing out there is made
of meat.
Four 'n Twenty Things in an Aussie Meatpie
1. Beef
2. Sheep
3. Buffalo
4. Hare
5. Kangaroo
6. Camel
7. Goat
8. Pig
9. Poultry
10. Meat-shaped Protein
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It seems the only qualification is that the animals can't have been killed in the wild. Thank
goodness, or meatpie processing company employees would surely get bonuses if they brought in any
meat struck by their car on the way in to work. Anyway, we all know that farm-fresh camel
intestines taste better than free-range camel intestines any day of the week.
Can you believe Kev actually ate one of these at the footy game? To his credit, this was before
he knew what was in it (of course, I ate a "sausage roll" and nobody's looked into that yet).
We bought another one just to photograph for the site, and neither one
of us will touch it. We'll have to feed it to our Aussie roommate, Shaun. Speaking of whom...
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The Skinny on Shaun:
Age: 20
Occupation: Bouncer
Nightclub: Odeon
School: Monash Uni
Studying: Material Engineering
Favourites...
Footy Club: Geelong
N64 Game: Zelda
Movie: Ghost in the Darkness
Expression: Not a prob'm, not a prob'm.
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meet our roommate, shaun
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Mild mannered engineering student by day, baddest-assed bouncer this side of the black stump by night. When does he sleep? Let's find out...
When do you sleep? Ah, whenever I get a chance. But don't worry, I'm a solid sleeper, so just go about your business like I'm not here.
What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you on the job? Eesh. Hmmm, well, pretty much anything you can name, I've had it done to me. I'm just thankful I've still got all my parts.
Meet any famous people in your club? Yeah, we get a lot of footy players in, I remember we had a bunch of old WWF wrestlers in after a show once. During the 2000 olympics the USA basketball team were there, and they were throwing money around like crazy. The guy had about $4000 in his wallet. They were all drinking Dom Perignon, $50-a-shot cognacs. One waitress made $350 in tips that night.
What's your take on Big Brother? I honestly don't know who comes up with these shows. They're just wrong, yet, I can't turn away.
Do you want this meatpie? No way, man. I'm Australian and I know what's in 'em.
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hee-hee-here's a joke!
Q.What do Ansett Airlines and Anthony Stevens' wife have in common?
A. Both got f**ked by the big kangaroo!
Oh those Australians! What a witty, barbed sense of humour they have. The contest was... why is this funny?
Here's the answer!
(Contest was open to non-Aussies only, since any Aussie who hadn't heard this joke
by now is out of the loop. Winning entries are on Week 7) |
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Our laptop's busted. Actually, it's been busted since we got here.
The extent of communication between man and machine is a blue screen bios message telling me it's
beyond hope. Actually, it's telling me that the bios in my system is not fully ACPI compliant and I need to
STOP: 0x000001L, 0x00000007, 0xF7050500, 0x0100000C... In laymen's terms, it could use
a really hard kick in the ass with a frozen boot. Now, if only I knew where the computer's ass
was. I never was good at the hardware stuff.
Cactused: (adj.) Experiencing technical difficulties.
Can't watch the game here, mate. Me telly's cactused.
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cross culture
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We managed to offend an entire culture just by having lunch. Did you know you're supposed to take your shoes off when you go
into those "low table" rooms in a Japanese restaurant? Oh, you did? Ahem, well, yes, of course you
did. Everybody knows that. Except us. You'd think we'd know this, coming from a country
where everyone takes their shoes off whenever they enter someone's house.
Other things we learned today:
1. Train passes can also be used on the bus.
2. Big M Banana Milk has an entire daily dose of fat.
3. Mormon missionaries look the same everywhere.
4. Victoria Market is closed Wednesdays.
5. You have to catch the bus on the other side of the street!
"I'd almost choose poo." -Aimee.
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Don't even think of bugging Kevin today. Mr. Vile is just too fast to eat the Red Yumblies, denying Banjo the puzzle piece he
needs to open drainpipe to Clanker's Cavern. Only 62 more pieces to go if he wants to save his sister Tooty from the
clutches of Gruntilda the Witch, Banjo's arch enemy who speaks only in poorly crafted rhyming couplets. Not only that,
but Leaky the Bucket still needs a pebble. A day spent in Nintendo Land playing Banjo-Kazooie is a good day.
"You're not Adam Somer." -Kevin
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One of Kev's signature dishes is a big pot o' chili. Key ingredient? Ground beef. Oh, you can get
ground beef in Australia, and cheap, but you can also pick up a big ol' hunk of kangaroo. That's
right, roo-steak, roo-fillets, roo-stirfry... there's always room for roo! Unfortunately, it doesn't seem
as though they make ground roo (who knew, no ground roo?). I think we could have asked for them
to "mince some roo" for us, but we'd already offended the Japanese earlier in the week, and we weren't
sure if minced roo was something one did. Ah well. Cheap beef it is.
"It's just not appetizing when you can see it used to be an ass."-Kevin.
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barrack:
(v.) to cheer. In Australia, always "barrack", never "root". Here, rooting is something that might happen to an attractive young man in a state penitentiary. So, unless you're Wayne Carey, you probably don't "root, root, root, for the home team" here.
feelin' blue
1 
3km 
shh...
Beautiful Mind 
$9 
bling!
438 
38 
10 
45 
koshah?
$2kg 
50c 
$12kg 
minced roos
10-6-66 
11-8-74 
to the mall!
Our First Possum! 
