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It is my pleasure to introduce to you... the Dead Possums. Well, eight of us anyway. The ninth one, Bjørn, always managed to get himself separated from
the group somehow. Wait, here's all of us...
The Dead Possums were the hottest group offroading around Fraser Island this weekend. From the Champagne Pools to Lake
Wabby, we were blazing trails, spotting dingoes, jumping washouts and generally looking fine. Take a stickybeak below to
meet some of Fraser Island's sexiest, sandiest, Saturday safari campers.
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four hot possum guys...
Markus
Gemini, Age 23
Origin: Switzerland
Just completed Scuba certification in Barrier Reef.
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Rody
Cancer, Age 22
Origin: Holland
Has the longest neck of anyone we know.
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Bjørn
Aquarius, Age 23
Origin: Denmark
Just finished hiking tour of Mexico and South America.
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Max
Pisces, Age 20
Origin: England
Bears a striking resemblance to the guy from Oasis.
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three gorgeous possum gals...
Emily
Virgo, Age 19
Origin: England
A kickboxer. Has never camped, fished or cooked.
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Simi
Cancer, Age 20
Origin: Switzerland
Travelling alone, and misses best friend back home.
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Charlotte
Capricorn, Age 21
Origin: England
Has unhealthy fixation with Robbie Williams.
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Doggone Funny:
Avg. Size: 10-20kg
Diet: Carnivorous
Intelligence: High
Lifespan: 2-3yrs wild, 5-8yrs in captivity
Amazing Fact: Dingoes can't bark!
Read the first installment of
Brush with Death on
Week 13!
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brush with death #2
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They say the dingo should not be trifled with. It may look like a dog, smell like a dog,
and be able to breed with a dog, but it's much, much smarter than a dog. Possibly even
smarter than Kevin...
After a successful evening fishing, Kevin walked back to the campsite with a couple of catfish for
dinner. Of course, to cook a catfish, the average camper needs a fire.
Kevin put the bag of fish down next to the firepit, and went off to get some matches. We all decided
that the truck was parked too far away, so Max hopped into the front seat to pull it forward.
The engine roared to life, and the headlights were engaged just in time to spot a
DINGO! Right there next to the firepit! Right there next to... the fish!
The dingo froze, but only for a moment. Thinking quickly, he snatched
the bag of fish in his teeth and ran for the woods. Not thinking quickly, Kevin bolted after it,
screaming something to the effect of, "Drop it! Bad Dingo!"
Surprisingly, it worked. The dingo dropped the bag, we retrieved the fish, and later that night,
tossed it onto the campfire. It was the worst thing we ate all weekend.
THE END
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wally's got a girlfriend!
Tess and Wally, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! On Magnetic Island, Wally met Tess, the girl wombat of his dreams. He came home bragging about being out all night with her, but that's okay considering wombats are nocturnal...
Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
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 And now, a special long-distance message from Bjørn to his girlfriend, whom he hasn't seen in 5 months...
Sali Pia!
So sehsch also au emol e photi vo mir. Liebi Griess us Australie. Dänk dra, ich lieb di und vermiss di ganz feschd!
Vo dim Bjørn.
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The giftshop is open!
giftshop.beimers.com
What's the Giftshop, you ask?
Click here to find out! |
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why are we being sponsored?
Bikeabout!
let's get this show on the road!
This is Bob. If we hadn't met so many other interesting characters this week, he surely would have been top choice for the
Meet A Weird Guy section on the left.
Bob's a local. Bob lives on a grounded houseboat. Bob hasn't paid his taxes in 18 years and has to keep moving
so the government won't find him. Bob's a sailor. Bob's a drunk. Bob's a wildlife preservationist, if that's even a real
word. Bob has six really good friends, all of which are seagulls. Bob's been monitoring the bush fires on the west beach.
For all you know, Bob may even be your uncle.
The most interesting thing about Bob (and the defining characteristic that made me finally start up a chat with
the man shouting, "Behave yourself Reghina!" at a seagull) was the falcon. A Whistling Kite falcon apparently visits Bob at
sundown every night, where Bob tosses her little bits of meat while she swoops down and catches them. Not that I could get
a very good photo, but it was dazzling to watch!
By the way, don't talk to the Magnetic Island locals about Bob. They can't stand him.
"It takes about 20 minutes to get to the island. I'd walk, but it'd take me 40."
- Dry witted Magnetic Island ferry passenger.
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Aimee caught this fish today. Impressed? You shouldn't be. You see, this fish is the most docile fish either of us had
ever seen. It didn't tug. It didn't fight. Aimee thought it was a piece of seaweed right up until after she pulled
it out of the water. "Ah, it's just seaweed... no, I think it's a fish, it's... wait... it is a fish. A fish! A fish!
I caught a fish!"
It was as though a sad little Willy Loman of a fish was swimming alone, down on luck and weak of character, and
saw a small piece of shrimp float by. "Perhaps my luck is changing!" perks the fish, and takes a bite. As he feels the tug,
he rolls his eyes, thinks, "Isn't this just like me?" and waits for the inevitable.
The fish hung limply on the hook, giving the occasional tailflip in a half-hearted attempt to celebrate life. It
cooperated long enough for me to run back to our stuff to get the camera, snap six photos, unhook him and toss him back. In
the water, he just lay there, mouthing the fish equivalent of, "My life was nothing, why can't you just let me die? There's
nothing back here for me..." Poor sad little fish.
"You just about hooked your own ass."
- Kevin.
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Magnetic Island to Hervey Bay: 1200km on a bus. Your legs are cramped. Your eyes are blurry. It's 3am, and you've been on
the bus since 11 the previous morning. It's the perfect time for a meal stop! Not to mention the perfect place!
If you've ever ridden a bus any great distance (and I'm not talking Queens to Long Island), you know what I'm talking
about. The driver says "Meal stop coming up. 30 minutes, stretch your legs, have a smoke, whatever." You look out the window
(when it's not 3am) as he passes restaurant, restaurant, restaurant... restaurant... factory... farmer's field... and finally
comes to a stop at a hole in the middle of nothing where all the food is wrapped in cellophane that charges $8 for a muffin.
Welcome to Gin Gin.
"Smells like Ikea!"
- Aimee.
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I am never doing this again.
Tomorrow begins the Fraser Island 4x4 self drive tour. A sand island, just off the coast of Queensland, is apparently
a gateway to adventure for Australian backpackers. I doubt we would have sprung for it, but what the hell, it was part of
an Queensland tour package, so we thought we'd test it out. You know, for the website.
Three hours of meetings, $225 in groceries and alcohol, six liability forms and an instructional video made in the
80's later, it's almost time for bed, so we can get up at 6am for more meetings and another instructional video made in
the 80's. Yeesh!
Don't drive on the beach before noon. Don't drive on the west side of the island. Don't drive north of the Champagne Pools.
Don't drive in salt water. Don't drive in the mud. Don't stop the car in wet sand. Don't feed the dingoes. Don't eat
the dingoes. Don't play fetch the stick with the dingoes. Don't try to take the dingo's food away while he's eating. But
above all, relax and have fun!
"Please, take your pants all the way off. You'll run faster that way."
- Koala's 4x4 Instructor.
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Over on the left, you were given the opportunity to meet the other seven car-mates. Today's the day we're all packed into
a 4x4, and sent careening across sand dunes (oh, wait, we're not allowed do that either) in search of dingos, goannas, and
a liquor store.
In the car, we've got: 5 boys, 4 girls; 3 campers, 6 non-campers; 5 drinkers, 4 non-drinkers; 3 drivers, 6 not
allowed to drive; a spread of ages 19 through 26; A box of wine, 2 cases of beer, 3 Brits, 3 Swiss-German speakers, 2
Canadians and a Dutchman. Three days on the island. Nine people to make decisions.
The only thing missing is Gretel Killeen.
"Farts. Picks his nose. Scratches his arse."
- Top 3 things about Max that annoy Charlotte.
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It just goes to show you: nothing beats good old dependable Mel.
A hundred and fifty rental vehicles on the island, and we get the one with the bum tire.
At this point, I could have stepped in and told everyone to stand back: I'd put 50,000 km on a Jeep, and by gum,
I can change a flat. But I'd be lying. Oh, I'd have an idea. I've seen the AAA guy do it a few times, and once or twice at
Big O Tires, but he had one of those hydraulic lifts. If I had to fumble my way through it, I could have. Luckily,
Ranger Gene was planting trees nearby, and
he came over to save the day for us nine auto-ignorant travelers, thus reaffirming my faith that the only two honest occupations
left in the world are firefighter and park ranger.
"What are you eating, marshmallow hamburgers?"
- Markus.
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It's the last day on the island, and we decide to spend it on Lake Mackenzie. Just like everybody else.
That's the thing that really gets me about tours like this (other than the deposits, rules, and instructional
videos from the 80's). They hand you a "suggested schedule", which packs in more things to see than the Vatican's basement.
So, rather than branching out on your own, exploring new trails, you find yourself stuck into a never ending convoy of
other self-drive 4x4s from the same rental companies, driving in formation to reach stop #1, staying the allotted half hour,
then simultaneously getting back in their self-drive 4x4s to reach the next stop.
And so, we arrived at Lake Mackenzie nice and early, just in time to watch the rest of the 4x4s trickle in. By
noon, people were fighting for beach space, along with the 2-day self drive tours and the 1-day Kingfisher bus tour crowds.
But we fooled them all. We went in the water! Australians don't get in the water if it's below 80 degrees, but it was no
problem for Markus the Swiss, Bjorn the Dane and Kevin the Lake Superian!
"Once you've decided the romantic moment is over, can you take down your tent and join us at the buffet?"
- Kevin.
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wanker:
(n.) Taunt, British origin.
fal guy
3 
1 
7 
2 
boneless
Kev-6 : Aim-4 
snack stop
16h 
2h 
rules...
$101 
$45 
$72 
reality bites
Rody 
flat!
8 
2 
10 
sched-duel
28 
16 
3 
