week 13...

down to a science

Ocean Grove

It may not look like much to you, but to two bikers lost in the outback, it's haute cuisine! We need foods that will be compact, nutritious, and nearly weightless if we're going to survive. The adjective "instant" is very important also, since boiling water takes a bloody long time on a fire. Let the testing begin...
the science diet...
Since this page will one day become the quintisenntial research tool for future uber-athletes following in our tire tracks, we thought we'd share our travel food pyramid. Remember, it's not a proper diet unless it fits into a pyramid!

Level 5: Carbs
In the land of exercise food, carbs are king. They're easily broken down into sugars by your body with minimal water required for processing, which is perfect for desert conditions. For our carbs, we'll be bringing along noodles, oatmeal, couscous, hard biscuits, and anzac cookies; all of which will keep for months at a time in practically any weather (yet still go soft in milk!).

Level 4: Dried Things
Pound for pound, there's no better expedition food than dried fruit and veggies. Whether you're munching on dried apricots, almonds, or fruit bars, you know it'll be tasty and give you that extra bit of sugary energy to take you over that next hill. When you get to camp, add some rehydrated peas to your meal. Don't forget to drink your pea water!

Level 3: Non-Meat Protein
Without resorting to (yeech!) Spam, you've always got to find a way to get protein into your diet. It rebuilds your muscles while you sleep, and if you're biking ten hours a day, that's an important nutrient. We're stocking up on delicious suction-packed tuna in a multitude of flavours, but man cannot live on tuna alone. A large part of our daily diet will be dried beans of every sort... lima beans, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, lentil beans, split beans, haricot beans, pinto beans, brown beans, fava beans, black-eye beans, and believe it or not, mung beans.

Level 2: Any Dairy That Will Last
Calcium is one of the hardest minerals to maintain when travelling. The solution: mini-packs of long-life milk and hard, hard cheese (oude kaas). We haven't tested the longevity of our dairy items, but at the very least we'll be taking our multi-vitamins!

Top Level: Chocolate!
Evenings can get very cold, especially in the Nullarbor. Keep that body heat up with a hunk of fat before bed. Face it, it's tastier than chewin' on a hunk of raw bacon. Now, if we can just find a way of keeping it from melting.
what do you think?
Aimee got a haircut! Aimee got a haircut! And boy oh boy, do you folks love it! Here are the results of the poll:

Dorky New Hair
Dorky Old Hair
(Come on, Dean. I know this is you.)
brush with death #1
Welcome to our first installment of Brush With Death, a series of dangerous or near-death experiences of which we're sure there will be many more in the months to come. Today's Brush: The Hellspider.

... Kevin was a happy child in the seaside town of Ocean Grove. Always a helpful boy, Kevin was happy to remove an old vent from the front of Mr. Patterson's place, which was really doing nothing but lowering the property value.

"Whew, what hard work!" said Kevin, wiping his sweaty brow on his sleeve. He twisted out the last screw with his trusty Girl Guide knife and went inside for a tall glass of cool lemonade.

Little did he know that by removing the vent, he had released an evil so unspeakable that I can't even finish this sentenc

"Well, what do you think, dear?" he asked Aimee, his true love. "Let me show you what I've done!"

Kevin pulled back the curtains and saw THE HELLSPIDER mere inches from his hand. "Whoa!" he said. Then he went and got the camera.

Spider Sense:
Species: Unknown
Speed: Unknown
Poison: Unknown
Vulnerabilities: Unknown

Did you know? The Hellspider survived four swats with a really big broom and escaped under the porch? It's true!
where's wally wombat?
Our Australian travel companion, Wally, always manages to squeeze his stickybeak into one of our photos. Can you find him?

He's a little furry wombat that looks kinda like this.

why are we being sponsored?
click here to see what we're up to!

beans beans Cost per Meal:75c Nutritional Value:High  Aim Says Yum!Kev Says Not Bad.
Ahhh, everyone loves the musical fruit! The highway truckers'll have to give us a wide berth to avoid the effects of these beanie babies. I'll make sure I call the front bike.

Boiled Bean Soup
1. Soak a bag of beans in a baggie of water overnight.
2. At dinner time the next day, light a fire. Place a stick upright in the ground. Mark length of shadow.
3. Boil beans in small pot until shadow lengthens by two inches. At night, use flashlight.
4. Stir in some peas (see Thursday), pea juice (tastes better than it sounds) and a chicken stock cube for flavour.
Each bag of beans makes 4 meals.

"I had a dream last night and it is Chee Chee."
- Aimee.
noodlicious Cost of Ingredients:$4.50 Nutritional Value:Med  Aim Says Yum!:Kev Says Yum!
For all our cooking, we're relying on one compact tool: the Girl Guide mess kit. It's small, light and very, very cute. Those Guides didn't eat a whole lot. In our attempt to find a carb that would fit into it, we picked up some packs of Asian spinach noodles. Three minutes in boiling water and they're done, says the label. Now, just add tuna, and BLAMMO, you've got...

Campfire Vichyssoise
1. Bring 1 1/2 cups of water and 1/2 cup of long-life milk to a boil.
2. Break a handful of Asian noodles in half and toss into the pot.
3. Tear open a packet of tuna with your teeth, mush it up and toss it in too.
4. Add some more peas (see Thursday). Take off fire. Eat with stick.
Serves 2 polite people, or 12 Survivor contestants.

"From our toilet paper? I thought I knew it from somewhere!"
- Aimee.
the horror! Cost per Meal:$1 Nutritional Value:Unknown  Aim was too busy laughing to taste it.Kev Says Gross!
Kevin blew up our lab today. Well, close to it. He had the brainstorm of boiling extra water in the morning, to make oatmeal for breakfast and capping a tupperware container of hot water and noodles for lunch. Since we only want to stop as quickly as possible for meals, a meal prepared in the morning is ideal.
  Or would have been, if Kev had poured the packet of soup mix into the lunch noodles instead of into the breakfast oatmeal. I don't care where you're from, you can't mix Maple and Brown Sugar oatmeal with Curry and Spring Vegetable Soup. It's just... wrong.
  Kev was so sad I made him a batch of Anzac bikkies, a finer, tastier, longer-lasting source of nutrients. That always makes him stop crying.

"Since when does a magpie with Down's Syndrome make all our decisions?"
- Kevin.
pea power! Cost per Meal:$1.25 Nutritional Value:High  Aim Says Zowie!Kev Says Yum!
When I was just a little girl, I used to shoot peas out of my nose at my sister. Poke... SNUH! "Daaaaad!!!" Hee hee hee, those were the days.
  I think the pea gods have found a way to get back at me for my previous disrepect. With the success we've had with packages of freeze-dried peas (see Monday and Tuesday), it looks like we'll be eating at least a handful each day for the next nine months. I will never abuse a pea again. After this... SNUH!

Rules for Pea Lovers
1. To hydrate, soak 1/2 package of dried peas overnight.
2. Use as an additional flavouring to all of your meals.
3. Reuse the pea juice (the water you were soaking them in). It's tasty sweet!
4. Don't hydrate them all at once or they'll go slimy.
Note: sticking them up your nose will also cause them to go slimy. Snuh!

"It's one thing to make fun of a midget, it's totally different to make fun of a naked mutant midget in a wheelchair."
- Kevin.
loose cous Cost per Meal:$2 Nutritional Value:High  Aim Says Zowie!Kev Says Zowie too!:
Carbs. We need carbs. With an average pedal day lasting close to 10 hours, we're going to need as many carbs as we can stuff into our bodies. We've tried them all. Traditional pasta is useless to us, because it takes too long to boil and the amount that fits in our mess kit, with water, is only enough to feed one of us. Rice is just as bad as pasta. Bread doesn't last and takes up too much room. The noodles we tried on Tuesday aren't bad, but just for flavour.
  The undisputed lightweight champion of the carbohydrate world is couscous. It's that grainy grain that falls somewhere between rice and styrofoam, and tastes just as great! One cup makes enough fluffy couscous for both of us, with all the water absorbed! No wasted water, no wasted space. Cous cous is win win!

Tuna Couscous (with Peas)
1. Bring rusty tin can of water (possibly pea water) to boil.
2. Take off fire and dump in rusty tin can of couscous.
3. Cover and count 300 hippopotamuseses.
4. Fluff up and serve topped with tuna and peas.
A cup serves 2 people, but is not nearly enough for 300 hippopotamuseses.

"Just a straight? It's a friggin royal straight!"
- Aimee.
spice o' life Cost per Container:$3 Nutritional Value:Unknown  Aim's Favourite!Kev's Choice!
When your diet is chosen for compactness and longevity more than its taste and texture, it's crucial to have some spices along. We're taking along our favourite spice of all: Tony's! Direct from Louisiana, it's the best cajun spice money can buy. Great on everything! If it's not Tony's, you might as well be using salt!

1. Make meal.
2. Sprinkle with Tony's.
Note: This may be the only spice that could have saved Kev's Curry Oatmeal.

"I curse the day I made you eggs!"
- Kevin.
fish story Cost per Meal:$9.40 Nutritional Value:Low  Aim Says Fishy!Kev Says Chippy!
After six days of peas, peas and more peas, we get a treat! Down to the ocean for some fish n' chips. There's nothing like some crispy grease in newsprint to make you appreciate civilization. Mmmmmm... crispy grease...

Fish n' Chips
1. Order at counter: "Two Flakes, Minimum Chips, Well Done."
2. Wait 10 minutes.
3. Pay the nice lady $9.40 and go eat it somewhere scenic.
Stay away from flake-related are-what-you-eat jokes.

"You can't just walk in, ask to have your inseam measured, and walk out."
- Kevin.
scroggin: (n.) gorp.

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I feel really bad all the trouble you're having with the peas! Oh wait no that wouldn't be me! ~*~snicker~*~
- Inga, Thunder Bay ON

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© 2002 Kevin Beimers & Aimee Lingman. Multidimentional Low-Level Crime Fighters.