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If every farmer treated their cows as well as Big Jim Lake here, you'd never have to chew your meat more than twice.
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It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas...
Click here to join the festivities!
What is the Crappy Gift Exchange? Find out here!
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beam this up, snotty...
A few weeks ago we received this email...
Possibly a stupid question - have you two suffered any colds or flu since taking off on your trip? I'm asking because we're currently trying to get over yet another bout of flu, and I'm trying to convince Sharon that riding bicycles around Australia would be good for our health...
- Snotty, the dwarf with overfull sinuses.
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Now, we don't respond to all of our emails, primarily because most of them have something to do with Generic Viagra or
enlarging Kevin's (or in some unresearched cases, my) bits and pieces. However, it's not every day we receive a
question from a congested dwarf. I confidently replied...
Hey Snotty,
You absolutely should take a trip like ours. Since we've been cycling, I haven't gotten sick at all. Sure, deathly tired, bored and hungry - but not a sniffle or a cough. I used to get sick all the time when I worked in an office, but all this fresh air does wonders for your health. Go for it!
-Aim.
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Within a week of answering this email, I was as sick as a dog. Read Friday, you'll see. Yeah, ha ha. Go on and laugh. Tell you what, next time
you're sick, you go spend it with four year old gossip magazines and an inflatable pillow in a tent. You'll be wishing for
the horse trailer I got to sleep in, you sorry little dwarf.
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meet the owens
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Every so often you meet people that you really like. That's the way we feel about the Owens. They're happy, they're silly and best of all, they let us become part of their family for a few days. Here's what we learned during that time...
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You're all very involved in the Spinal Cord Society. Tell us about it. After Sam became paralyzed, we
did some research and realized that there wasn't any active study into the spinal cord going on here in Australia. So, we
started the Australian branch ourselves.
Sam I Am:
Age: 22
Brothers: Nick, David
School: U of Melbourne
Majors: Bioengineering, Law
Movie he likes:
Lord of the Rings
Movie he thinks is crap:
Legally Blonde
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Sam, how did you become paralyzed? If you look out at the porch, you see how you
can run straight out the door and jump into the pool? Well, I'd done it a hundred times before, ran out the door and dove in,
and I just cocked it up one time. Hit the bottom of the shallow end, that was that.
And how has it affected you? I still have limited use of my arms, but I need to
wear wrist supports... that's why you sometimes see people with their wrists curled up, no support and the muscles have
atrophied. Also, strangely enough, I can't control my body temperature, so on days like this, I'm near the fire. But, I have
help exercising my legs daily so that when a cure is found to repair the spinal column I'll be able to walk again. Also, I've
donated bone marrow to the research, since marrow has stem-cells.
How is the research going? Really well. In the few years we've been in operation,
we've actually had a number of major breakthroughs - regenerative tissues, successful tests and trials - the thing is that
all of the money donated goes directly to research. George & Barbara cover the salaries and administrative costs out of pocket,
which means the money donated is helping directly, rather than indirectly.
Your home is called Happy Valley and you seem like happy people. What's your secret?
Living each day as it comes and staying positive.
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Let me tell you about Australian Wheel of Fortune. First of all, it's crap. Second of all, it's crap. Allow me to elaborate.
So you spin the wheel, land on $150, right, and ask for a letter. You don't just say "T, please", you have to say, "T for Tom"
or "T for Turdface" before they give it to you. Even if there are four T's, you only get $150, NOT $150 x 4. That's garbage.
And how's this for dumb? Even if you don't solve the puzzle, you get to keep your money. What's the challenge in that? You can
spin the wheel once and land on $1500, then not do a damn thing for the rest of the game, even solve the puzzle, and you can
still win. Garbage, I say again.
And the host, he, like, give you hints and stuff. The category is Title, but half way through the round he might say "By the
way, we're looking for a movie" or "Hey Mona, why not try buying a vowel?" You'd never see Pat Sajak doing that. Then at the
end of a round, the winner gets to pick between three crappy prizes. Sheesh. Might as well be playing Wheel of Fish.
I'm Mr. Skinnylegs, and I reckon that's crap.
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Be sure to read "I Reckon That's Crap" every week, only on Beimers.com!
*The opinions expressed by Mr. Skinnylegs do not necessarily reflect those of beimers.com. If you have any complaints, direct them to mrskinnylegs@beimers.com.
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these are the people in our neighbourhood...
Lance & the Yallourn CFA
I love it where we're about to set up our tent at the base of the cooling towers at a nuclear power plant, and a fireman invites
us back to the station to sleep on the floor while the new volunteer trainees are getting initiated with the hose. Actually,
it's only happened once, but it was fun!
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Karen
Jim's wife. She keeps Jim in line, corrects his verbal mistakes, and above all, makes sure he doesn't talk too much. It's
a rough job, but somebody's got to do it. She and Jim love animals, books, Lord of the Rings, and farm fresh eggs. By the
way, they don't run a horse and cart... it's a horse and carriage.
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Ted
Ted, or "Teddy Bear", is Jim's brother. It was his birthday on Saturday. We learned a very important thing about Jim's
childhood from Ted: Ted is responsible for Jim's phobia of bears. He's never seen a bear, and doesn't ever want to, thanks
to Ted. Guess they'll never make it to Canada.
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Penny
She's a chook. Not much else to say about her, I guess.
Thanks for the bumnuts!
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wally's amazin' facts!
Ned Kelly was only 25 years old when he was gunned down in Glen Rowan, Victoria. Was he a hero?
Was he an outlaw? Most importantly, was he as cute as Heath Ledger? Not that I'm into guys. Ha! As if!
This Week's Amazin' Fact: If there's a Stratford, there's usually an Avon River nearby. It's true in
England, it's true in Ontario, and it's certainly true here in southeast Victoria. However, this particular Avon River is
the second fastest flooding river in the world! Second only to the Amazon! The thing is, you need rain for a
flood, and Stratford, Vic. doesn't get much of it. Except, of course, when Wally's in town! A-hyuk!
Oh well, the farmers love a good rain now and then. It's the least we can do to bring it along with us, grow some
grass, fatten up the ol' cows. Hey, ever wonder how much the price of a lamb goes up, from the farmer to your
fridge? I'll be baa-aa-aack with the answer!
Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
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| Distance this week: 271km | Distance since Day 1: 14277km |
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What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!
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Day 394: Live to ride another day
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37.6km
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18°
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4.0h
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2.0L
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Cut short
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Happy Valley
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 anywhere but here
Where's 'here'? 'Here' is the local footy oval in Toonabaggie or Toonawanaweebie or something, just up the street from Woop
Woop, Vic. Wherever it is, everyone's wearing moccassins, but I'm positive it's not Moe.
This morning we almost stuck around at the Yallourn firehouse, but we were so excited by getting so far yesterday that we
just had to keep on going, even though the skies were darkening. It looked ominous, but we've been fooled before.
What did we receive for our valliant efforts? Bugger all. A full 37 kilometres and we were done in by the frickin'
frackin' rain AGAIN. We dealt with this setback poorly, shivering under the Toongabbie (that's it!) Rec Centre building
awning next to the Toongabbie skate park, staring at the anatomically correct logo of the Toongabbie Rams footy club and
basically hemming and hawing about whether the rain looks like it's going to let up or not. (Final answer = Not.)
Just as we were about to be done in by our own skepticism, we were rescued by Barbara, who invited us up to her house for
the night. This is starting to become a trend: we have a miserable day in the rain and we're rescued by a nice Aussie
family. I suppose there are worse ways to live.
"Stick around after she leaves, and I'll give you the goss on Barbara."
- The Toongabbie Oasis Busybody.
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Day 396: Don't forget your lunch!
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0.0km
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20°
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Happy Valley
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 happy days
Truth be told, we probably could have stayed at Happy Valley forever. But I think eventually Sam would have heard all of
our stories and gotten a little bit tired of seeing our ugly mugs each morning at the breakfast table. We had to leave
before this happened - we did want them to invite us back one day.
(Note: He also would have gotten deathly ill thanks to Aimee's bio-hazardous illness, which began to show symptoms this
morning. To a guy who can't cough, a virus isn't a very hospitable goodbye gift. P.S. Aimee's new nickname is "Outbreak Monkey".)
And so, with our salmon and caper sandwiches, a carton of orange juice and a kiss on each cheek, we departed Happy Valley.
Straight into the jaws of Stormy, Grumpy, Sickly Valley. Luckily, another guy saved us from that.
"If you were an A student, you'd have known that."
- George.
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bumnut:
(n.) egg.
which way to the pole?
the whinge stops here
outbreak monkey: prologue
outbreak monkey's day off
milking it
