week 56...

Packing to Pakenham

Hey, this is Aimee. Looks like I'm on my own from here on out. Kev, the big fat wussy man, finally gave up and left. Just like that, can you believe it? Just put all his stuff in a bag and walked off.

I'll probably be lonely for a little while, but heck, at least I'll go faster. Good riddance, I say. What a bloody whinger.
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go to the chatroom now! boffo's probably there!
Dust'em Off:
Age: 27
Secretly Watches:
Australian Idol
Favourite Idol: Rob

Day Job: Landscaper
Boss: James
Works With: Brent, Freddy

Night Job: Boy Toy

If you'd like to meet some other hot boys, check out...
Dean the Fireman
Alex & Fue
Bruce Gordon
Captain Tony
Tom Jones
Kevin's Brother
Richard Alsop
The Hot Possums
David & Simon

meet boy toy dustin
He's good looking, he's got a trade, he's talented, charming, and his life's ambition is to one day marry Eddie McGuire*.

Dustin, what makes you such a catch? You've seen my photo, haven't you? That, and my charming wit, pretty much makes me irresistible.

Usually landscapers whistle at the pretty girls walking by. Is this an activity you partake in? Nahh. No need, mate. I'm usually the one who's on the receiving end of the whistles around here. Truth be told, what with the whistling and the bum pinching, it gets distracting. Several times I've had to tell Ros to cut it out.

The single gals (and guys) want to know if you're available...? Nope. I'm taken. I've had a girlfriend for the past four years. In fact, I just met her Dad the other day.

What did he think of you?
I reckon he's keen on me.
*For those of you from North America, Eddie McGuire is the owner of the Collingwood Magpies and host of just about every television special. Kind of like Australia's answer to Regis Philbin.
I friggin' hate it when somebody asks, "How are you paying for this trip?"

Listen, dork, I don't come up to you and say, "Oh gee, nice car. How did you pay for it?" You want to know how Kevin & Aimee pay for the trip? Same as how you pay for your house, or car, or stereo, or CD collection. You've got your priorities, they've got theirs. The only difference is that they're not rude enough to ask you where your money comes from. And they sure as heck don't blow it all on booze, cigarettes or the pokies. Think about it.

I'm Mr. Skinnylegs, and I reckon that's crap. Actually, I'm Mr. SkinnyLEG now. Charlie the dog ran off with the other one. I reckon that's crap too.

Be sure to read "I Reckon That's Crap" every week, only on Beimers.com!

*The opinions expressed by Mr. Skinnylegs do not necessarily reflect those of beimers.com. If you have any complaints, direct them to mrskinnylegs@beimers.com.
these are the people in our neighbourhood...

John & Ros
The good old dependable Pattersons are back on the site again. It always seems if we're not storing our stuff in their garage, or mailing them stuff to put in their garage, they're opening the garage so we can get it out again. Or driving us to or from their garage. Or cooking something. Anyway, we like them.
Paddy, Kylie, and the Builders
John & Ros are having the front of their house worked on, and Monday night was BBQ night at the Pattersons. We met James, Brent, Freddy and Boy Toy Dustin, and had some great steaks along with our old mates, Paddy and Kylie. Good work, boys!
Miche & Michelle
Our old Broome buddies are back! Or rather, we're back with our old Broome buddies. It's always amazing to meet someone for a few days on the ABSOLUTE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE COUNTRY, and then stay at their house in the city. Especially when they know where to get the best burgers in Melbourne.
The Bicycle Superstore
Bike shop owners must hate folks like us. Here we are, crap hanging off the bikes all over the place, chains stretched beyond comprehension, squeaking and squawking into the lot, on our way to do "just from here to Brisbane," and ask for one $8 tube. They gave us free brakes, though. Might as well fix SOMETHING, eh? Thanks Jamie!
Liz & Barry
They love wayward cyclists, and they love Canada. How could they NOT invite us home? Thank goodness they did, since the weather's been on and off lately. We got to sleep inside, in exchange for Charlie the dog eating all of our bread and cheese. Good trade, eh?
Did you know Canada had a rugby team? Neither did I, but Geeta went to see them get walloped in the World Cup Rugby just yesterday. I figure Canada isn't that high on the ranking ladder in rugby, since they probably don't have anyone to play against back home to practice.
wally's amazin' facts!
The only other monotreme is the echidna! Platypi and echidnas don't look anything alike, but they're the only two mammals in existance that lay eggs! Jeepers! If pigs layed eggs, they'd be the only animal you'd need for breakfast! Ha!

This Week's Amazin' Fact: Anyone who hasn't heard of Ned Kelly in Australia is probably still sitting in the airport. Ned Kelly is Australia's greatest outlaw, kinda like Billy the Kid. Anyway, I thought I'd mention him this week, since this is the closest we're going to get to Wangaratta, Ned's last stand. He and the Kelly Gang took on the entire Victorian Police Force wearing a cast-iron mask and breastplate, like Clint Eastwood in that cowboy movie. Shoulda been called the Kevlar Gang! Holy cow! I'm funny, eh?

Here's a good question: How old was Ned when he died? While you're thinking about the answer or running out to Video Ezy, somebody help me get this bucket off me head!

Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
Distance this week: 56kmDistance since Day 1: 14006km

What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!

Day 386: Getting stuffed
End Location: John & Ros', Broadford
Why do people own stuff? And why does stuff weigh so much?
   I vaguely recall an old George Carlin standup routine about "schtuff". "Schtuff" is the stuff you have no use for but don't want to throw out, so it just sits there and takes up space. The problem is, no matter how much or how little space you have, the "schtuff" you have will grow to fill your space. Doesn't matter how much "schtuff" you toss, you never quite put a dent in it, because the rest of your "schtuff" gets bigger. Something like that. It was a long time ago.
   Anyway, we spent the day filtering through our horde of "schtuff" that we'd left at Ros and John's house over a year ago. Back then, it seemed crucial that we keep that set of keys, those extra swimsuits and all those receipts. Now, we don't even know what the keys are for, it's way too cold for swimming and who needs receipts for food we've already digested?
   At the end of it all, we found 40 kilos of keep-ables, 20 kilos of donate-ables, and 10 kilos of trash-ables. The keep-ables, we've sent ahead to David's place in Brisbane. We can only hope that he's not having a monthly garage sale.

"Yeah, I'd marry Eddie McGuire if he was gay."
- Dustin.
Day 387: Paddycakes!
End Location: John & Ros', Broadford
pooch in a pouch
It's becoming somewhat silly that we haven't seen a wombat in the wild yet. It seems that they're one of Australia's most abundant animal and everyone's got one in their backyard or they supposedly see dozens as they drive home from work each night. For us, they're now more elusive than the platypus.
   The last time we were in Broadford, we went on a wombat hunt through the woods, with a wombat specialist no less. Even going to that extreme efforts yielded no furry results. So what did we do this time? Headed for the hairdresser's.
   Besides cutting hair, Mel also happens to be a wildlife rescuer and she's currently taking care of this little sweetie-pie after his mom had been hit by a car. She let us snuggle him for a while, but I don't think she was keen on our idea of letting us take him along in our pack.
   I have to admit that even if we don't see a wombat in the wild, this little baby wombat has more than made up for it. His name's Paddy! Tee hee!

"Yay! Dad's cookin' tonight! That means we're going out!"
- Aimee.
Day 388: Busy little platypi
End Location: John & Ros', Broadford
life on the lamb
Days and days on the lonely road, our thoughts revolved around food. Food, glorious food! "I can't wait," we'd say, "to get back to Broadford for one of Ros's lamb roasts! YUM! It's so goooood!"
   But what happens? We arrive in Broadford just in time for marking season, the time of the year where teachers have the least time. Home from school by eight, nine, ten o'clock... unless you've ever lived with a teacher, you'd never understand.
   What does this mean for us, though? I'll tell you what it means: NO LAMB ROAST A LA ROS PATTERSON! That's what! Oh sure, Sunday night was Thanksgiving dinner. But Monday, John cooked steaks, Tuesday was takeaway chicken, and tonight, we went out to the pub! Where's my lamb? Waaaaah!
   Aw well, at least we got some of Ros's baking she left out for the construction boys. If you're wondering where that cake went, ask the gal with the extra fork.

"How about I give YOU $30 and you take it up to Brisbane for me?"
- Kevin, to Post Office Guy.
Day 389: Let's be Frank
End Location: Miche's, Oakleigh
stolen dreams
Phew. That was a short visit. It's already time to head back down to Melbourne. Only a couple of days of stuffing our faces and pretending like the construction workers were eating all the bikkies when it was really us and now John's escorting us back into the city. Coincidence?
   Now we're back at Miche's house in Oakleigh. While we're here, let me tell you something about Miche. She's one of those people that are just always thrilled about everything and supportive about whatever you want to do... In Canada, we've got our friend Jan to fill the role of cheerleader. Here, we've got Miche. They're both awesome.
   In case you were worried, nothing happened to the bikes when we left them at Miche's place. They were still waiting expectantly for us to ride them to Brisbane. Not that we really thought that something was going to happen to them, but a girl can dream, can't she?

"Oh, wait, does she have a mustache?"
- Michelle.
Day 390: Crossing the wrong path
End Location: Miche's, Oakleigh
it don't matter...
Uh oh. Miche isn't here right now to see us turn her pure white cat into a greasy grey cat as Bella got friendly with our bike chains. We saw the sniff-sniff, and lunged to stop the whisker scratch, but it was too late. Her face, her back, her tail....
   Where's Pepe LePew when you need him?

"stupid round world time zone bleh"
- Shred, on missing the scheduled chat.
Day 391: Packed
Distance Travelled: 55.9km Temperature: 28
Time on Trikes: 7.0h Water Left: 3.0L
Terrain: Busy but easy
End Location: Liz & Barry's, Pakenham
goodbye, kangaroo road
Trying to cycle out of any major city, especially when your bikes aren't in the best condition, is a stressful thing to do. It seems as though the traffic just goes on and on as you wind your way through the busy streets and try not to get lost in the suburbs. It's the sort of thing that I have to really psyche myself up for... get up early, make sure I'm not overtired, and take an extra dose of patience pills before we leave. If everything falls into place, we'll be able to get to the outskirts without having any close-calls or crying fits.
   As it happened, the Melbourne traffic was much friendlier than we expected, or maybe the roads were just wider. In any case, 56km in a city-driving day is nothing to shake a stick at, or rather, shake The Club at. At least we got out before dark.

"Go, go, Go, GO, GOOO!!!"
- Kevin, crossing a street.
Day 392: Rain rain, go away
End Location: Liz & Barry's, Pakenham
wet wet wet wet wet wet wet
Melbourne let us escape without too much drama, but Mother Nature isn't nearly so kind. It is downright discouraging to finally break away from the city only to be stranded by rain the very next day. Argh is all I can say. Double argh. When will it end?
   Our only consolation is that, yet again, we're indoors at Liz & Barry's place! I think we can say that in Victoria, we've been inside every night except two. Maybe even one! Now that's what I call a friendly state. We really do love every piece of Victoria!
   Except the rainy piece, that is.

"How could you lose 200 spacebucks in two minutes?"
- Aimee.
grouse: (ex.) cool, groovy, excellent. Not sure of its popularity: one lady at a petrol station began every response with it, whereas someone else hadn't heard it used in 15 years. Not to be confused with 'gross'.
"Your pushbike's so grouse! Where ya headed? Round Oz? Grouse!"

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© 2003 Kevin & Aimee Beimers. Corks for the elephants.