week 9...
new guts, no glory

Inside Our Laptop

Just for the record, that trash can came with the apartment.

True Blue Roo
Name: Mick
Town: Somonton
Team: The ROOS!
Drink: Cougar Whiskey & Coke

Should he be driving home? No.

interview with a drunken roo
Mick: Oi! Wot's that crap on 'er face? (refering to Aimee's Essendon facepaint)
Kev: She's a Bombers fan, can you believe it? She left the roos for Essendon.
Mick: Woll, don't just sit there, punch 'er out!
Kev: (laughs) Isn't she hurting enough already?
Mick: Hey, where you from, mate?
Kev: Canada.
Mick: Awright, I thought I heard you talkin' funny, we got a couple o' Yanks in the crowd! (scooches over to sit on the steps)
Kev: Actually, we prefer the term 'Canuck--
Mick: Y'know I bin a Roos fan me whole life, and I bin coming to the games for thirty years, y'know the Roos haven't beat Essendon since 1998, bloody buggers Essendon, y'know the Bombers fans outnumber the Roos fans 3 to 1 here?
Kev: Watch it, you're spilling your drink. On my foot, actually.
Mick: Haha! I love the way you Yanks talk!
Kev: Canad--
Mick: AW COME ON UMP! Bloody ump can't see a fuc-- er, sorry, don't want to say bad things in front of the ladies... Oi! Wot's that crap on 'er face?
what do you think?
The public has spoken! We asked, due to unimaginative thinking on our part, what you would like to see in this space. Here are the poll results:

Lamb Salad   (2 votes)
Nobby's Nuts   (1 votes)
Darla   (113 votes)
Potatoes   (2 votes)

Darla's landslide victory can only be explained by an amusing anecdote... You see, during our visit to Victoria, B.C. at the end of the American roadtrip, we dropped in on my cousin Drew and his girlfriend Darla. My aunt has never met, nor seen a picture of Darla; she has only been told that Darla is "Cute as a button!" I offered to send my aunt photos, in exchange for $10.

The conversation became heated, and, informing me via my mother, Aunt Annie swore to boycott the website until I sent photos. This is when the Catch-22 arose: this poll. If her protest is valid, the votes should be close. Should she break her strike and visit the site, she could compromise her morals and skew the negotiations like a lowly scab worker, but ultimately get what she wants in the end. It's sneaky, but clever.

But, fair is fair. Here's your photo, Annie. You earned it.

the return Operating System:At best, 95 Today's Weather:
We received the computer back from IBM. Now they've replaced the System Board (again), replaced the CPU, wiped the hard drive, partitioned it, and run a few hours of stress testing. Needless to say, within 10 minutes of getting it out of the box, it crashed again. Our solution: We'd do what any good computer owner does when something goes wrong. We'd just reinstall the operating system, or so we thought...

"I never thought I'd be so happy to see Windows 95."
- Aimee.
a certain spark Operating System:95,98,2K Today's Weather:
Imagine taking your old '78 Oldsmobile station wagon to the mechanic, and having the car returned a week later having had the engine, wheels, muffler, and whatever else is under the hood, replaced. You basically have a new car, with the old body still taped to the top, and the same sticky vinyl seats. But it still won't start! You call the mechanic back, right pissed now because you haven't been able to drive to work in a week, and he says, "Oh, I didn't bother to check the spark plugs. You check 'em?" And sure enough, it's the spark plugs.
That's pretty much where we are right now with the laptop.

"Unacceptable. Un. Ac. Cept. A. Ble."
- Kevin.
lesson one Operating System:2000 Today's Weather:
When a computer boots up, or runs programs, or does the things computers are supposed to do, every little one and zero has to pass through the RAM. Therefore, if the RAM is bad, everything goes bad as it passes through. In a way, it's like filtering wine through a sweaty sock. Remove the sweaty sock, the wine will taste better. We removed the RAM, and we now have an operating system! Call IBM to replace that too! Why not, eh?

"Were you expecting mail from yourself with the subject 'look a website'?"
- Aimee.
battling ram Operating System:95,98 Today's Weather:
The RAM was replaced. But now that we're up and running again, we think we replaced the wrong one. Crap.

"Okay, we can't use Photoshop and Explorer at the same time, and we can't use Flash and Paint Shop Pro at the same time. As long as we only use Notepad, we might be able to get this done. If we move quickly."
- Kevin.
victorious! Roos:92 Essendon:84 Today's Weather:
What does Aimee get for switching to Essendon? Defeat! That's what! Just what a no good, low down, dirty traitor deserves! If she'd stuck with the Roos, she'd be jumping up and down in the stands like me and singing her team song. Instead, she gets to sulk! HAHA SULKY BABY!

"As far as I'm concerned, they've already won."
- Kevin, End of 1st Quarter, Roos up by 2.
sweatshop Operating System:98,2000,95 Today's Weather:
Back to the grind (or is that mince?). The computer is working perfectly, so long as you don't plug in the mouse, use the CD-ROM, and type the keys very very lightly. We finish today's tasks just in time to save them, then watch the computer flush itself down the brick dunny (clockwise, of course).

- Aimee.
balancing act Operating System:98,2K,98,2K Today's Weather:
We think we've got the right combination: If we install Windows 98 on D:, upgrade to 2000 with a clean install, install the virus protector, run a scan, then install all of our software, use the Thinkpad modem instead of the extra PCMCIA, and only use beimers.com online mail instead of Outlook, the computer works fine. Yeesh, it's like Gary Sinise trying to power up the LEM in Apollo 13...

"I was wearing your glasses so the computer would think I'm you and wouldn't crash."
- Kevin.
shout: (v.) The transitive form of shout, as in to shout someone, means that you'll pick up the tab. If a mate shouts you, he's a dinkum bloke.
"I'll shout ya for the cab fare since your wallet got nicked."

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the highlight of kevin's week
the highlight of aimee's week
We've got mail...
Love the travel pages! I was in Australia back in 1988 but I wouldn't be able to give you any tips on places to visit. There's a big pineapple up in Queensland that might be worth a looky. I toured around Iceland last September but never thought of making a cool webpage like yours. Check out www.natefest.com and click on Iceland 2001. If you ever need a travel partner for your iceland.beimers.com trip let me know. I'm pretty cool and I like cheese! :) Happy travels!
- Nate, Parts Unknown

I wanted to introduce myself. I am Marcia Gerdes of Woden, IA, USA. Have met Frank & Susan, twice in person and feel like old friends! Met the first time in 1997 on their way thru to Mexico, when Tom & Margaret Deverall were in Iowa to visit. This year they stopped in Woden on their way home and we convinced them to stay an extra night. We had a great - late night the first night. Lots of singing, good food, laughs and of course, good drink. The second night was a lot tamer, but such fun to visit with everyone.
Have had fun checking on at your web site. What an adventure. Very envious. Just had to let you know about us in Woden, and sorry that we didn't get to have you stay with us during your states tour. Maybe next time.
- Marcia, Woden IA

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© 2002 Kevin Beimers & Aimee Lingman. Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi!