week 50
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Ocean Grove

We've done America, we've almost conquered Australia... so where will Kevin and Aimee go next? That's the big question on everyone's minds these days. How do we top a trip like this? Ladies and Gentlemen, we have the answer...

new zealand!

That's right, kiddies! We can't pedal around Australia forever (thank goodness!), so as soon as we've wheeled ourselves back to the Big Pineapple, we hop on a super-sonic jet and land in Frodo's Backyard.

Our mission, should we be able to afford it, is to hike the entire country, tip to tip. Our intended route, which will take us from the bottom of the South Island to the tip of the North, will cover 2600 km of some of the most beautiful landscape in the world, equipped with the contents of one small backpack and two pairs of dainty, yet rugged, feet. That's right: This is Beimers.com - slower than ever before.

Have we asked if it's possible? Nope. Do we plan to succeed? Yup. That's us, the king and queen of nonchalant adventure!

Of course, there is one tiny, little glitch in all of this...

We need the money and the means to actually do the expedition. This means that we've begun our hunt for anyone who's interested in getting involved in the next beimers.com expedition - whether it be through monetary donations, equipment donations or even support services.

We figure that with 25,000 people reading this site each month, there's got to be a few interested parties out there. Or at least, people who know people. Are you one of those people?

If you're as excited about this next expedition as we are, or you're just an eccentric zillionaire, visit the official New Zealand Sponsorship Site, which gives you the lowdown on everything, including all the ways you can get involved. In fact, go there now, and come back and read the Australia stuff later. Go on.

What happens if we can't get the funds and support?
I could give you a sob story about how this website will become defunct and you'll be forced to spend your days doing actual work instead of enjoying our adventures, but I think we'll be able to find enough entertaining things to do in New Zealand even if we don't do the trek. As always, our number one goal is to keep you amused and entertained. Even if that means six months dedicated to Kevin's adventures working at Baker's Delight.

Be a damn shame though, if we couldn't do something cool.
Cherry Ripe?

I'm Mr. Skinnylegs, and I reckon that's crap.

Be sure to read "I Reckon That's Crap" every week, only on Beimers.com!

*The opinions expressed by Mr. Skinnylegs do not necessarily reflect those of beimers.com. If you have any complaints, direct them to mrskinnylegs@beimers.com.
these are the people in our neighbourhood...

Everybody needs a friend named Vinnie. Doogie Howser had one, and look where it got him. Vinnie is the school chum of the boys you met last week. He's also the latest recruit to the neighbourhood war on terror. Dressed for battle, these soldiers have a common enemy...
Murdoch, the Eggleston St. Magpie
It's magpie season, and no one is safe! With pointed beak and silent flight, this stealthy pecker will nick a nook in your neck faster than you can say "Murdoch the Eggleston Street Magpie". Vinnie's still got a scar.
A late entry to the Anti-Magpie League, Jeremy arrived unarmed. No helmet, no stick, no cricket bat... what was he thinking? Maybe he should consider acquiring Kyle, the local hired gun, as a blocker.
I wasn't kidding when I said "hired gun". It may not look like much, but it packs a mean punch, and it should get you through most airport security. It's accurate too; I hit the stop sign across the street. It's bigger than a magpie.

how to make a pebble rocket
Here, you can see Kyle sporting not only a helmet for protection against the evil magpies, but a handheld projectile weapon. I know what you're thinking: how can I make by own Weapon of Magpie Destruction? Find out below...
1. Start with a length of plastic pipe, about 20-30cm long, and the diameter of a 20 cent piece (for you Americans, that's 8-12 inches and a Susan B. Anthony dollar).
2. Grab one of mum's rubber gloves (don't tell her!) and snip one of the fingers off. Put the glove back under the sink.
3. Stretch the open base of the finger over one end of the pipe.
4. Secure with duct tape.
5. Drop a pebble into the open end of the pipe and into the finger. Grab the stone, and stretch...
6. Kerpow! AAWK! (That AAWK could be anything! A magpie, your little sister, George W. Bush... you name it!)

In the interests of those who don't believe in cruelty to animals, little sisters, or inept presidents of world powers, we also suggest the defensive methods (some suggested by Wally W. Wombat on Week 3):
  a. draw eyes on your helmet.
  b. wear sunglasses on the back of your head.
  c. travel with Connor.

wally's amazin' facts!
A bull becomes a steer, a stallion becomes a gelding, and a sheep becomes... a wether! I can't figure out why anyone would want to castrate a sheep... lambs are so cute!

This Week's Amazin' Fact: Did you know that a New Zealander invented Luggage Carousels? Neat, eh? New Zealand was also the home of Velcro. It's too bad they weren't invented at the same time... then you'd never lose your bags! Har dee har!

Hey! Ever heard of a guy named Abel Tasman? Who is he?

Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
Distance this week: 27kmDistance since Day 1: 13244km

What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!

Day 344: The Nexpedition
Distance Travelled: 8.7km Temperature: 11
End Location: Ocean Grove
nz, here we come
If there's one thing we're good at, it's working hard. Yes, Really. We've certainly worked hard to put together the New Zealand Sponsorship Site, which we launched today. I'd like to say that the work is done, but, now that the site is live, the hard work really begins: canvassing for sponsorship.
   I'd like to point out a little story that comes to mind... Not long ago, we were having a conversation with a lady about our Australian bike trip. We told her what we were doing, and about our sponsors, Penninger, Colibri, Tony Chachere and Big 4 Caravan Parks. She was suitably impressed, and made a comment about how lucky we were to be travelling for free. Oh no no, we said, the sponsorship was for equipment only. We've still had to put up our own money for food, attractions, accommodations, and everything else. "Aw," she said, "you should have got someone to sponsor you for the whole thing."
   People don't seem to realize the work that goes into finding sponsorship, especially monetary sponsorship. The website is just step one. Next we have to tell everyone to look at it, and further convince them that their money is well spent. We know we're good value, and you know we're true to our word, but it really takes a big push and a lot of effort to prove it to The Man.
   So, come on. Help us out. Make our job a bit easier by sending the site to anyone who might be interested in funding or supporting this expedition. All it takes is that one special individual! It could be you!

"You're telling me my choices are watching 'The Bachelor' or working? I'll take work."
- Kevin.
Day 345: Leo the Lopper
Distance Travelled: 2.7km Temperature: 15
End Location: Ocean Grove
where's my fridge magnet?
If you were staying at someone else's house and a guy knocked on the door and said he was going to cut down the huge tree in the front yard, would you stop him? Not just any guy, like, certainly not the Texas Chain Saw Massacre guy (although I wouldn't say no to him either), but if he looked offical and he had a work order and a clipboard and a uniform, would you question his authority? What if he already had his chainsaw going and his partner was already climbing the tree? Would you interfere and insist that they stop?
   Naw. Neither did we. Chop first and ask questions later, that's what I say.

"P.S. We hate Pepsi."
- Closing to Coca-Cola Sponsorship letter.
Day 346: Musical Chair
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 17
End Location: Ocean Grove
santa ros
Since she was working in the area today, Ros very kindly dropped into Ocean Grove for a quick visit, and to give us the contents of her trunk... all of our belongings that we'd left with her a year ago! Yay!
   Wow, the stuff you forget you have when you live on the road. Like my five kilo book on Ancient Egypt, and Kev's "Your Mom Thinks I'm Hot" t-shirt, our other fifty CD's (thank goodness, I'm getting a little sick of Alanis), and even our cell phone from Ground Zero! It felt like Christmas, except a Christmas where you bought and wrapped all your own presents, and none of it is new, just stuff out of the basement.
   If you're sick of seeing me in my brown turtle neck, or Kevin in his Punxsutawney sweater, or Kevin in his Tony Chachere shirt, or me in Kev's Punxsutawney sweater (not a lot of options), check out our FASHION SHOW!

Kev's Spring Wardrobe     Aim's New Old Digs

"You know, I don't think lazy people care about whether they're lazy or not, so we can't be lazy."
- Aimee.
Day 347: Happy Feet
Distance Travelled: 1.2km Temperature: 18
End Location: Pam's, Ocean Grove
a step up
Gather around, because the conclusion of the continuing Teva saga is about to begin...
   The story began back on the NT/WA border, when my adventure sandals conked out prematurely. A few weeks ago, in Port Augusta, when the worst of the trip was behind us, I mailed the busted Tevas back to the company, complete with a long sad story of their demise.
   And guess what? They came through! I had brand new Teva Sandals waiting for me at the Pattersons' place! Hot Diggity!
   It gets better. In response to my sob story, they examined the shoes and straps, the model, and my situation. They informed me that, while they were still Tevas, I had purchased the cheapest-of-the-cheap "casual" adventure sandals, as in "I'm a yuppie who considers a walk to the Post Office an ADVENTURE." In other words, of COURSE they snapped. Teva proceeded to go above and beyond, replacing my cheapo casual sandals with REAL LIVE ADVENTURE SANDALS FOR ADVENTURERS. How's that for customer service? You won't get treated with that kind of respect from, say, Verizon.
   YAY! I feel like... like... dancing! Deedle Deedle Dee! Thanks Teva!

"Well well, screensavers have come a long way since the flying toasters of my day."
- Aim.
Day 348: Magpie Magnums
Distance Travelled: 3.2km Temperature: 15
End Location: Ocean Grove
the little rascals
All I've got to say about this motley crew is this: if you're black and white, 30cm high, eat worms, seeds and roadkill, and happen to be laying eggs around this time of year, don't mess with them.
   Not all of them, anyway. Maybe just the Dennis the Menace looking one in the orange jumper.

"Send Connor out as bait. He's expendable."
- Kevin.
Day 349: If you're looking for Wally, you won't find him under this picture
Distance Travelled: 7.8km Temperature: 14
End Location: Ocean Grove
what's that about flattery?
There are many steps to stardom and celebrity-dom. The first is self-promotion. That's where you go out and tell people that you're worth looking at. We've done that. Next comes appreciation: people you don't know tell you you're great. Check. After that comes recognition. Being spotted on the street, or getting offers for your talents. I'm happy to say that we've achieved that too. We've even made it to step four: inspiration.
   We were pointed by a friend toward TravelinVan.com, two crazy cats who, you guessed it, quit their jobs, moved out of New York, bought a laptop and are careening all over the United States! And... we know them! It's Anthony and Liz, from the 2001 Crappy Gift Exchange! Inspiration... CHECK! Add them to your weekly work-diversion bookmarks!
   The only thing left for us, to achieve true celebrity status, is step five: Having someone buy a mispelled version of our URL and pointing it to their porn site. Then we'll truly know we've made the big time.

"I am a man of simple tastes."
- Kevin.
Day 350: My Lunch Includes Poutine!
Distance Travelled: 3.2km Temperature: 13
End Location: Ocean Grove
Last week when we were at Simon's house, I took the time to read the classic adventure: Robinson Crusoe. I'd never read it before, but, like most, knew the basic story: A shipwrecked man who had everything done by Friday. Apparently, the screenwriter of Daniel Defoe's Robinson Crusoe, starring Pierce Brosnan, knew exactly that. I believe the idea for the screenplay came from a Grade 4 Book Report.
   Being a Pierce Brosnan fan, I was flabbergasted that this movie could be so painful to watch and so blatently incorrect. I should have realized things wouldn't be true to the book when the cover of the video featured a scantily clad Brosnan kissing a fancily dressed woman, when, in fact, there were no women in the book. None! Crusoe was shipwrecked at age 18, and really didn't have much desire to go home, so he stayed on the island for 40 years or so, domesticating animals and cultivating crops and spending six months whittling a whole tree down into a shelf for his island home. In the book, anyway. In the movie, he was on the island for about a month dreaming about his lost love when the savages came and he waved his gun around and... man it was crap.
   I suppose one good thing could come out of it: Now your teacher will know if you really read the book.
Aimee: "Don't you realize I always give you the better food?"
Kevin: "Yeah, and I always give you the smaller food?"
hoon: 1. (v.) to drag race. 2. (n.) one who drag races. You know that guy who spins his tires off the green light at 1:30am when he's the only one at the intersection? Hoon.
"Hello, Police? The bloody hoons are back on Peppermint Drive!"

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