week 49...
room for
improvement

Back to Ocean Grove!

If there's one thing we like, it's kids, and if there's one thing they like, it's our bikes! A winning combination!
from the hip...
We like to think that we're "hip", "happening" and "with it" when it comes to kids. At the very least, we're "hip" enough to know that anyone who uses the word "hip", and especially those who put the word "hip" in "quotes", really aren't "hip" at all. That was just sarcasm when we said it.

But, we have to keep on top of today's trends or else we'll lose a big chunk of our target demographic (the demographic that looks for Wally, that is). That's why we asked these five young "hipsters" to find out what's "hip" and what's "not hip"...

Name: Beau Connor Luke Matt Jake
Age: 10 10 10 10 14
Footy Club: Geelong Cats Carlton Blues Western Bulldogs Geelong Cats Carlton Blues
What do you want to be when you grow up? A rockstar! I've got a band. We're called "The Rusties." A pro
skate-
boarder.
I want to be you guys! One of the guys from Jackass. Pro Surfer.
If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would it be? Um, Michael Jordan. Or Elvis. The John Butler Trio. Muhammed Ali! Matt Hoffman, or Tony Hawk. Definitely Elvis.
Have you ever kissed a girl? Haha, um, no. No, but Luke kissed a girl in a magazine at my house. I did not! Shut up! Yeah, I kissed a girl. Me mum. Ha! I have... let's see... I kissed Sammy, and Lauren.
Yeah, so I was watching Burgo's Catch Phrase the other day, and I couldn't decide what was dumber: the contestants, the cartoons, the answers to said cartoons, the crappy prizes, that host with his tiny little square head halfway down his giant chest, or the people who watch it (besides yours truly, because I was just watching it to see how dumb it was)

Hey Burgo. I got a catchphrase for you: how about a picture of some WRAP with a big C in the middle of it. You figure it out.

I'm Mr. Skinnylegs, and I reckon that's crap.

Be sure to read "I Reckon That's Crap" every week, only on Beimers.com!

*The opinions expressed by Mr. Skinnylegs do not necessarily reflect those of beimers.com. If you have any complaints, direct them to mrskinnylegs@beimers.com.
meet richard & sally
Now, here are a couple of good sports if we ever saw some. Richard, son of John Patterson (the first person we ever met in Australia), didn't even know we were coming to his place, and Sally had only a vague idea of who we were. Good thing we had the bikes for ID.
However, on a chilly Sunday night, we came a-knockin on their door in Ballarat (thanks to the address provided by John). Sally answered and, having never met us before, invited us in for coffee and gave us the fold-out couch for a few nights! Then Richard came home, and all hell broke loose. Well, not really.

First of all, Richard, have we ever met? I don't know. Your family was supposed to meet ours in Hawaii in 1982, but one of our planes was late. On the way back from the swap, who knows. I was seven, you were around five, so even if we did...?

Well, it's at least the first time I've met Sally, and Aimee's met either of you. That's true, I guess we can celebrate that.

I notice you have an excessive number of coffee making devices. Yes, I suppose we do. It's going to make it difficult to find us presents when we get married in November.

Rags of Richard:
Job: Doctor (GP)
Hometown: Horsham
Fav Beer: VB
If he could eat only one thing for the rest of his life: Summer Fruits
What's On Sal:
Job: Phys. Therapist
Hometown: Ballarat
Fav Wine: Red
Likes having her photo taken: No
You're getting married in November? Yes, in Bannockburn. My mum is making the wedding dress, and Georgie and Nick are coming back from New York to be there. It should be a fairly small wedding; around 75 to 100 people.

You call that a small wedding? Ha! We only had 7 people. Yes, now that we're deep into the planning, I can definitely see the allure of a tiny beach wedding like yours.

Can we see the ring? Yup. Here it is! Isn't it beautiful?

Um... er... Just kidding. That's a fake ring given to Sally as a present from her workmates. Tacky, isn't it?

wally's amazin' facts!
Of all the things M&M could stand for, you'd think it would be something like milk & magic, or mmm & mmmmm! Here's the real answer... The first M stands for Mars, and the second M stands for Mars. It's Mars and Mars! Forrest Mars came up with the idea and pitched it to his daddy, Fred Mars. Just like that, a legend was born. Wombats especially love 'em, except we call them W&Ws!

This Week's Amazin' Fact: Right now, I'm sitting in Ocean Grove, only a few kilometres from one end of the Great Ocean Road. This road is a top tourist destination to the visitors of the Melbourne area, because it's one of the longest stretches of road in Australia where you can continually see the ocean. The road is almost 300km long, cut into the side of a cliff! Kevin and Aimee wanted to bike it, but I told them I was too scared!

On another topic entirely, what do you call a male castrated sheep? You might find out at the National Wool Museum in Geelong, or you can just wait until next week! Until then, Go Geelong! Cats Premiership 2003 All The Way Baby! Wooo!

Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
call me pedals...
Her name is Pedals Avery. She's seventy years old and she's pedalling around Australia for the second time. Why? Because what else are you going to do in this country on a pension?

That's the kind of attitude we like in an adventurer. Three cheers for Pedals!
Distance this week: 128kmDistance since Day 1: 13218km

What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!

Day 337: Rich and Tasty
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 6
End Location: Ballarat
if you're rich, i'm single
He cooks, he cleans, he heals the wounded. He fries a mean fish, and he's able to stop old women from vomitting in a single bound. This man can do it all!
   We have to say that John and Ros have done a bang-up job with this son. I wonder how Nick turned out.

"I think there's more water in the food bin than there is in the water bin."
- Kevin.
Day 338: Rich and Creamy
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 11
End Location: Ballarat
one item or less
Here's a typical conversation during dinner at the Beimers': If you could eat only one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
   We tried it here in Ballarat. Richard's answer was summer fruit. Kevin said pizza. I came up with the general answer of Thai food. Then the conversation got heated.
   Kevin thought that his answer was the only one that satisfied the requirement of "one food". Pizza is a food, he said. The beauty of pizza is that it always begins with a dough base, then sauce, then toppings. If Kevin wants those toppings to change, they can, because it's still pizza, a single food item. Richard, on the other hand, had chosen a food group (Kev: "a mango and a pineapple are two different food items [though I could put either one on a pizza]"), and I had chosen a food ethnicity. Both incorrect in Kevin's eyes.
   Kev's Note: Well, it is.
In any case, we went out for pizza. But I got gnocchi instead.

"What Australia lacks in donuts it makes up for in pizza."
- Kevin.
Day 339: More than one road?
Distance Travelled: 99.3km Temperature: 14
Time on Trikes: 8.0h Water Left: 1.5L
Terrain: 7 hours downhill: nice!
End Location: Geelong Big4
have a day
There are good days, and there are bad days. There are also medium days. Had this been a medium day, I would have found something else to talk about. Instead, today was a good day. I think.
   You know it's going to be a good day (and not a medium day) when you reach your 6pm destination by 2pm. We'd planned to cycle to somewhere around Meredith and find a spot to pitch the tent. By lunch time, we'd already whizzed through Meredith and were careening at the precarious speed of 14km/hr towards Lethbridge. Heck, at that speed, we might just make Geelong by dark.
   Funnily enough, that's exactly what happened. For those of you not familiar with Geelong, it's a city 200,000 strong, teetering on the edge of some very steep cliffs (and it's pronounced "ja-LONG", which takes some getting used to). We made Geelong by dark, like we said, only later remembering that a city of 200,000 people is not likely to have only one main street with a caravan park, like other cities we're used to. Instead, it's got pubs filled with drunken city folk who give directions by traffic lights and roundabouts, rather than street names.
   So we took to the woods. Or the park, as city folk like to call it. We must have wound our way through six kilometres of bicycle path, all on the promise of the drunken pub patrons that there was a caravan park at the end of it. Riding the path, in pitch black, we had taken a turn onto a boardwalk in an attempt to cross the river. The boardwalk led to an educational bird hide, rather than the other side of the river. Then, I swear to God, our basket full of stuff JUMPED from the bike and upended itself in the swamp.
   I have to state for the record that this is the first and ONLY time in 13,000 kilometres that this basket, containing our Walkman, Gameboy (did we tell you we got a Gameboy?), chunky spiral notepad, chapstick, fork, candles, toothpaste and candy wrappers, has EVER spontaneously JUMPED off the bikes. It waited until we were positioned with a swamp directly below us on a 1.5 metre wide plankboard path to make the leap. Bizarre.
   Another statement: it wasn't really the swampy part of the swamp. It was mud and tall reeds, so nothing was broken, lost or ruined. That's why we're not so mad, but it's still bizarre.
   The way things were heading that night, I'm just glad that the caravan park was a Big Four. Good day or medium day? You decide.

"As soon as that one guy belched I knew I didn't have time for any of those people."
- Kevin.
Day 340: Big Four and a Half
Distance Travelled: 25.5km Temperature: 16
Time on Trikes: 2.5h Water Left: 0.5L
Terrain: Quick & Easy
End Location: 13 Sheoak Ct, Ocean Grove
our big break
Oh, yeah, so to finish my story... we got to the end of the path, and finally found a way to cross the river. The sun was squarely filed away by this time, and all we had to save our hides was one blinky light on the back of the bikes. Wouldn't you know it, on the other side of the river we see a sign: 1km to Caravan Park. Ahh. And it was a Big Four! Discount!
   If you're curious why we're suddenly staying in caravan parks instead of the bush, don't think we didn't consider camping in the swamp last night. It was sheer willpower to keep on going to reach a section of town where we wouldn't be arrested and fined $100 bucks for pitching a tent.
   And as for Geelong, we never even saw it. I don't know how two people on bikes could miss the largest city since Adelaide, but we did.

"I'll try not to eat all twenty before lunch."
- Kevin.
Day 341: Tandem, the Next Generation
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 15
End Location: Ocean Grove
we love our grove
We've dreamed of this day. Often. There have been so many times on this trip when we've said "I can't wait till we get to Ocean Grove so that we can..." or "Let's save that for when we get to Ocean Grove..." or "Won't it be great to get to Ocean Grove so that we can finally..." In fact, I think we've planned enough things in our head that even if we were to stay in Ocean Grove for three months, we'd still have more on our list.
   As it stands, we've got so much to do that we'll be lucky if we get to watch a single episode of Burgo's Catch Phrase. Thank goodness. That show is crap. Just ask Mr. Skinnylegs.

"Is it September yet? No? Oh good."
- Kevin.
Day 342: Ha hah!
Distance Travelled: 2.4km Temperature: 9
Time on Trikes: 0.5h Water Left: 0L
Terrain: Short
End Location: Ocean Grove
mmmm... floor pie...
Your pizza falls on the floor. What do you do? You pick that sucker right back up off the floor and you EAT IT!
   That's right. If you don't eat it, you'd better sit your sorry ass right down and read this page and then this page and maybe even this page and thank your lucky stars that you've got floor pizza to eat.
  Ungrateful bastard.

"Last night's dinner? To be honest, I found myself occasionally surprised when I'd take a bite and say, 'That didn't taste so bad.'"
- Kevin.
Day 343: Fit for a Queen
Distance Travelled: 1.2km Temperature: 11
Time on Trikes: 0.5h Water Left: 0L
Terrain: Half as short
End Location: Pam's, Ocean Grove
tootsie lovin' care
Pam is too good to us. She takes care of us in Perth, she's one of only seven guests at our wedding, and heck, now she lets us stay at her house in Ocean Grove. She's not even there - Pam's done the smart thing and fled to the tropics for the winter. But she's always still thinking of us, because we found two pairs of cozy slippers waiting for us when we arrived!
   Thanks Pam! Sorry we missed you!
Aimee: "I have a headache, right here."
Kevin: "Ooh, that's the part of your brain that does telekinesis. Go on, try to move that coffee mug."
Aimee, after long pause: "Ow, it didn't work and now it hurts worse."
stack-hat: (n.) bicycle helmet. The bike- or skateboard-related verb "to stack" refers to wiping out. A stack-hat will save you from injury (but not embarrassment). May also protect you from magpies (see next week).
"Kids, if you're going to the skatepark, don't forget your stack-hat!"


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