week 45...

To Saunders Gorge

He is the master of all he can see! There's no messing with a man and his mountain of sheep. I mean, mountain with sheep on it, not like a heap of sheep. Although, he does have 1000 of them.
the city cyclist's best friend...
If you hate taking advice, like we do, you're probably going to ignore this. That's fine. We understand. But if you do, you'll end up cycling through sixty kilometres of city traffic, wondering why you ever left the peaceful serenity of the Kimberley.

So, as our pal Mark McNamara would say, do yourself a favour and pick up an Adelaide BIKEdirect guide before you get here. You can pick one up in any bikeshop in the Adelaide area. It's free, so the only reason for not getting one if your own laziness and/or stubborness.
meet brenton & nadene
Brenton & Nadene have been following us since we could still see the Big Pineapple if we squinted. They've been waiting for nine months for us to show up at their door! And thank goodness, because it's raining out.
The trip out here, which included a roller-coaster, a 1.5km dirt road, and a chain-stripping incline, paid for itself many times over in hospitality!

Tell us about Saunders Gorge Sanctuary. As farmland, which it used to be, the only thing it's good for is raising sheep. However, as a sanctuary, it's absolutely beautiful. All of the natural grasses, plants, trees, and untouched stone gives visitors the idea of what the land looked like before the settlers came.

How do you become a sanctuary? We've had a number of visits from conservationists to determine the proper kinds of plants to seed. In fact, all of this area, as I said, used to have sheep running amok, and once it was fenced off, yellow flowers started to grow that we'd never seen.

What else does it have to offer? It's really the sort of place to get away from everything. There's no traffic to wake you up, no phones in the rooms to bother you with calls from the outside, but acres and acres of walking. We do lunch and tea up in the restaurant, but each room can do its own cooking if it wants to stay hidden. In fact, we also offer "Hideaway House", a cabin 2km apart from the rest of them, for people who really don't want to be disturbed. Popular for newlyweds.

About the BLT:
Brenton: Chef, Mr. Fixit
Nadene: Hostess
Married: 25yrs
Children: 2

Owned Land: 40yrs
Opened BLT: 6yrs
Accommodations: 5
Soon to be: 12
So, you're not really a B&B, more of a BLT? Yes, I suppose so.

Do you enjoy what you do? Yes, we really do. We're very social people, and love to talk and meet new friends, so running accommodation is perfect for us. Plus, we're only open Friday through Monday, so if we need a break or get too busy, we get a few days off mid-week.

So Brenton does all the cooking? Yes, I can't even make chips properly. Brenton is a wonderful cook, and I think it's a real bonus to some of the ladies that visit to watch a man cook for a change.

Speaking of food, you'll have to explain the dead feral cats hanging from the tree... Haha! That's not food. All the feral animals - foxes, rabbits, cats - were brought here by settlers, and had no natural enemies, so they ravaged the land. Since we're trying to preserve the land, we need to cull the feral animals, and the leftovers are, well, hung from a tree. It's actually turning into a local conversation point... people take trips in the car to find the animal tree.

One last question: Tweety? Oh, you noticed. Yes, I'm obsessed with Tweety. In fact, I need to go check on my eBay bids right now! Bye!

If you'd like to stay at Saunders Gorge Sanctuary (and you really should),
call Brenton or Nadene at
(08) 8569 3032

Located near Sanderston, between Mt. Pleasant and Walker Flat.
I want to talk to you South Australians about that toxic sludge you call West End Draft. HA! West End DAFT is more like it. It tastes like beechwood-aged carbonated urine, and I should know. Might even be worse than Emu Bitter, if that's possible. Maybe I could understand if it was, like, half the price of Cooper's, it might be worth a cheap weekend piss-up, but it's the same price. And you drink it in cans. Barf!

West End Draft? I reckon that's crap.

Be sure to read "I Reckon That's Crap" every week, only on Beimers.com!

*The opinions expressed by Mr. Skinnylegs do not necessarily reflect those of beimers.com. If you have any complaints, direct them to mrskinnylegs@beimers.com.
these are the people in our neighbourhood...

The Masons
Yaaaayyy! We were hoping to run into our favourite pals from Port Lincoln again. You may not recognize the man beside Raelene. That's her husband Kingsley. He looks different now because he's unemployed - and loving it!
This is the gal who convinced us to drag our sorry arses into Adelaide at 7am to appear on Adelaide Radio. Then she fed us Riiiiva coffee. I think this is why they call it Shock Radio.
Fact: Syd thought Linh was cute!
Radio Guy
Okay, you're on in ten seconds. No time to get nervous, no time to worry about what we're going to say. Clever interview ploy. But it worked! Aimee thought this was her best radio interview ever! Kevin thought it was the shortest!
Gerald & Lorraine
We stopped and chatted with Gerald and Lorraine for a long long time on the way to Saunders Gorge. They were out for a nice ride, just like us. Except they had a car. And they didn't smell.
Mark & Margaret
Mark and Margaret were our lodge neighbours at Saunders Gorge. They may have just been out for the weekend, but I think they'll be back for more. More what? Wine, of course!
Chris, Beck & Khloe
We very nearly rolled backward down a rocky cliff with Chris, Beck and Khloe. They seemed like nice people to die with. Khloe didn't seem too concerned about much except her monkey banana. Oo oo oo!
wally's amazin' facts!
The Diprotodon is a prehistoric marsupial the size of a hippopotamus! I spotted him at the Adelaide Museum, and I was so amazed, I didn't even bother to read the card about him. Here's a picture though! Hot Diggity!

This Week's Amazin' Fact: Since we're talking about marsupials, let's learn a little more about our national emblem, the kangaroo. Did you know that a kangaroo can choose the sex of its baby? Wowsers! Not only that, but they can store an impregnanted egg for months at a time! They can get pregnant twice, and work on one baby while the other one is put on ice, so to speak. Then, when the first one's old enough to hop around alone, she defrosts the second one. Hot Diggity!

You may already know that a baby kangaroo is called a joey, but What do you call a group of kangaroos? Is it a troop? A gaggle? A bevy? Find out next week! Hot Diggity!

Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
Distance this week: 82kmDistance since Day 1: 12320km

What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!

Day 309: Stalk Photography
End Location: Syd's, Joslin
one hour photo
This photo is equal parts cool and creepy. It's like a scene from some crazy stalker-fan horror movie where you see the psycho flipping through photos of his next victims.

No offence, Syd.

Syd's Diary, Day 7: After that photo shoot yesterday, I'm wiped. I usually don't get out of bed for less than $10000, you know...

"That's your washing machine's way of saying, 'There.'"
- Kevin.
Day 310: Not even duct tape could save them...
End Location: Syd's, Joslin
sole story
There are those that buy quality and there are those that buy quantity. Last year, Kevin did his best to be a quality boy. We all know where that got him.
   Now, he's not having much luck at quantity either. Today he dumped his second pair of sandals. He's even downgraded from the Wooley's Birkenstock-style sandal. I was dreading this, but despite my worries... Kevin's wearing thongs.
   No, I'm not talking about G-strings, I'm talking about the shoe that every man, woman and child seems to wear throughout the year here in Australia (should they wear any at all). What those in the Northern Hemisphere call Flip Flops. Except, in the northern part of the Northern Hemisphere, no one actually wears them, except for those few non-consecutive days a year where it's warm enough to go to the beach. Being from said hemisphere, Kevin is now going to suffer for the next few weeks as he goes through Thong Training. Let the blisters begin.

Syd's Diary, Day 8: The rascals are of course out on the town living in a style that gives lie to their "we're so poor we have to eat No-Frills brand Tim Tams" line...

"Man, that only leaves Dick Clark."
- Kevin, reacting to news of Bob Hope's death.
Day 311: In Top Form
End Location: Syd's, Joslin
Background: Last night, we came home late after much fun-having in Adelaide with friends from Port Lincoln. Multiple messages awaited us - it seemed that we were wanted to appear on a radio station early in the a.m. In Adelaide. As it was already technically morning when we got the messages, we weren't too chuffed about going in. We thought we could scam our way out of it by doing a phone-in interview... until guilt raised it's ugly head....

Phone: *Ring. Ring.*
Kev: "Hmmmm. Grumjk. Hello?"
Linh: "Morning Kev! We'd love to have you and Aimee come in and talk with us on our Morning Show! We'd need you here about 7:15."
Kev: "Actually, we're a little ways out of the city centre and we don't want to bring the bikes in and so would it be okay if we did the interview over the phone?"
Linh: "Oh... well, we really wanted you to come in. I guess that's okay though. It'd be better if you could come in though."
Kev: "I really don't think we can. The city's pretty tough to ride through when you've got such a big bike. Is that okay?"
Linh: "Well, okay. I'll call you back a few minutes before you'll be on air. Thanks."

At this point, we should tell you that, while the reasons Kevin gave were totally accurate, we both knew that the real reason we didn't want to go in was because we were just to lazy to get our arses out of bed and take the bus into Adelaide. This is probably why the guilt monster paid us a visit. What follows is the greatly condensed version of our conversation.

Aim: "Good work, Kev. Snnoooooze."
Kev: "Blink. Maybe we should go in."
Aim: "Whassa... but you just told her we'd do it over the phone. We're home free. We're fine. Go back to sleep."
Kev: "Yeah, but it'd be better if we went in, because then we'd be right there and we could both talk. It's just better that way."
Aim: "Agreed, but it also means we have to get off the floor and get dressed and get on a bus and go into the city. People who listen to the radio can't see us at the studio, they just hear our voices."
Kev: "Yeah, but she sounded like she really wanted us to come in. Besides, this is a big city and we could use the exposure. "
Aim: "I'm totally awake now."
Kev: "So am I."
Aim: "Should we just go in?"
Kev: "Yeah."
Aim: "Okay, let's go in."

And so, we went in. For four minutes of radio time, and then another four minutes about an hour later, in between which we got to see the city slowly wake up, and Kevin got to follow me thirteen blocks to get a dollar cappuccino at the store where the cappuccino machine wasn't working that morning, thus aggravating his thong blisters. Maybe he'll think next time before guilt gets the better of him.

Syd's Diary, Day 9: ...they've left early to spread the fiction of their trip to an unknowing radio audience...

"Maybe she's independently weathly. Or maybe she's similar to me and independently poor."
- Syd.
Day 312: On The Cover of the Rolling Stone
End Location: Still at Syd's
any portfolio in a storm
We're staying another day. The weather was looking a little miserable today, and we thought that, um... aw hell, we're just lazy. The weather wasn't really even that bad.
   Anyway, since we're still here, we thought we'd put together one of those tasks that we came up with spur-of-the-moment, start and finish all in 11 hours. Write it down, cross it off. Today, we put together our writing portfolio. It's not really for you, it's for editors around the world who want us to write amazing, funny stories for them (as we already do for you, except they might pay us for it). If you're curious, check out our portfolio.

Syd's Diary, Day 10: What, you're still here? "Yes, you've talked us into staying another day." Huh?

"Hey, when I'm on your website, I'll be my OWN brush with greatness!"
- Syd.
Day 313: WILSON!
Distance Travelled: 45.9km Temperature: 18
Time on Trikes: 6.5h Water Left: 2.5L
Terrain: Unpredictable
End Location: Gumeracha
wilson! willllsonnnn!!!
My sister would have killed me. I don't mean just yelling at me. Or making me feel guilty by crying. I mean that she would have made a few calls, traded in a few favours, and actually had me killed.
   You see, today is the day that we lost Wilson. You may remember Wilson from his acting debut with Tom Hanks, and since then he's moved on to bigger and better things. He's our mascot from our American adventure, before Wally, and before Mr. Skinnylegs. He represents everything we believe in: freedom, adventure, and taking chances. Sure, he's just a rubber antenna doohickey for 99c at Blockbuster, but it's the thought that counts.
   And today we almost threw it all away. I have to be honest here. It's actually Kevin's fault. It's his job to check for traffic every minute or so... as he does this, he gets an eyeful of the flag that Wilson is on top of. When Kevin looked back, he realized that we'd lost the flag! It was GONE.
   This has happened before and it usually takes us about two minutes to retrieve the flag. Today, we couldn't see the flag lying on the ground behind us. In fact, even after retracing our steps for twenty minutes, we still couldn't find the flag. I don't have to tell you how badly this reflects upon Kevin as a 'look out person'.
   We almost gave up. After all, it was just the flag... but wait! Wilson! Kevin realized that it wasn't just the flag, but also Wilson we'd lost. He started whimpering.
   But I hate to harp on the negative, so I'll just tell you that, as with most of our 'Kevin Does Wrong and A Stranger Saves the Day' stories, this one ends well. A passing cyclist came flying around the corner waving our flag! He had found Wilson and our flag caught up in a fence. The flag was a little ripped up, but Wilson was safe and sound!
   So, Inga, you can call off your goons. Wilson's okay. He's a little shaken from the experience, but he's stronger for it. And remember: Tom Hanks never went back for him. We did. That says something about loyalty.

Syd's Diary, Day 11: And thus my pet Canadians left home and pedalled, so they claim, towards Melbourne and the vast acreage of loungeroom floors between here and there.

"I'm the Chinese fast food of comedy."
- Syd.
Day 314: The Gates
Distance Travelled: 35.8km Temperature: 20
Time on Trikes: 5.0h Water Left: 2.0L
Terrain: Climactic
End Location: Saunders Gorge, Sanderston
speed kills
I am a good driver. Let's get that out of the way right now. I'm also a pretty brave driver - I like going fast down hills and I hardly brake on the corners anymore.
   That said, today was a freaky-ass day for driving. How freaky-ass, you ask? It was so freaky-ass that they were filming a Mitsubishi commercial on the road. It had that perfect twisty-suicidal look that always looks so cool in commercials. Up close and personal on a trike, it doesn't look so cool. It looks freaky-ass scary.
   By the time we reached Saunders Gorge Sanctuary, I had to pry my fingers off the brakes (with my brake pads smoking, we were still doing 25 clicks). It made the trip out of Valley of the Giants look like a gentle slope. If only it had been straight, I'm sure I could have broken our speed record. Hell, I probably could have broken our spedometer.

You may think it's odd that the main thing I recall about my day is a hill. But you didn't see the hill.

"I was saying to myself, 'Why does my hair feel so nice?' when I remembered I only had a shower two days ago."
- Kevin.
Day 315: Yacka's Eye View
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 15
End Location: Saunders Gorge
my corner of the earth
This place is heaven. There's not a corner store in site, no shopping plazas to distract us and our laptop is acting up. All of this adds up to a whole lot of relaxation and conversation. This is really what Saunders Gorge is for anyway. You come here to relax and have our hosts, Brenton and Nadene take care of you. It's a wonderful thing.

"I didn't warn you about that hill because you said on your site that you don't listen to people who give you advice."
- Nadene.
shortsheet: (v.) a well-known Aussie hospitality-industry joke, best played on drunken guests. A "shortsheeted" bed has been made such that the linen is folded halfway up the bed, so that when the patron gets in, the bed won't let him stretch out. Ha!

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© 2003 Kevin & Aimee Beimers. Your favourite local feral hangout.