week 41...


If this is the most stressful thing I do this week, I'll be glad. Beats being chased by a tropical low pressure system.
two channels and nothing on...
Isn't it great when you've got nothing to do for a whole week, the weather is miserable, and all you want to do sit in front of the TV and zone out? It's especially awesome if you've got digital cable, 666 channels, Dolby surround, and a penchant for legal dramas? Yeah...

Well, we don't have any of that. We have an old Aussie television that takes three to five minutes to warm up, and manages to tune in two glorious channels of Aussie broadcast television. And, if I may say, Australian Television Sucks.

Australian TV consists of four major genres: garden renovations, BBC reruns, poorly produced and antieducational childrens programming, and Harvey Norman commercials. At any time during the day you can probably turn on the telly and be able to find one of the above four on at least one channel. Unless it's the weekend, when the only thing on is Footy. (Except on the ABC. Footy -click- Footy -click- Footy -click- The Bill).

The highest rated show in Australia for three years running is Big Brother, which tells you something about the Australian public. The longest running show in Australia is Neighbours, the stepping stone to launch your acting career. An actor can say that if you're a regular on Neighbours, you've almost made it. What this means is as the good actors depart for bigger and better things, the crappy ones are left behind. There are a couple of folks on Neighbours that have been there for 20 YEARS while greats like Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan, and Holly Valance pass them by. It must be like seeing your file and knowing you're going to be the assistant manager for the rest of your life.

Top Five TV concepts that would sell big in Australia:
1. Bikini Backyard Bonzai
2. Farmers on Footy
3. Ocker, the Surfing, Cricket Playing, Sheep Mustering, Footy Kicking, Indonesian Speaking Potoroo
4. I Love Kylie
5. Another lengthy dull British drama about upper-class goings-on, entitled "His Lordship" or something.
Australian television is also the only time I've ever heard Sinbad referred to as a "comedy sensation".

I haven't been able to figure out if all of this crap is on because it's all Aussie stations can afford, or because the network execs have decided amongst themselves that 75% of Australians will never leave the country, and thus never know that there is such a thing as better progamming. What am I talking about, though: we never even had a television when we were living in New York.

Needless to say, you can see why we ended up doing so many jigsaw puzzles this week.

thanks, terry & tony!
This is Terry Sheridan, Martin's uncle (you met Martin last week). All this week we've been staying at his summer shack up here in Port Neill. Man, was it ever nice to relax.

We dedicate this week to the Sheridan family, Official Sponsors of Week 41!

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wally's amazin' facts!
Did you figure out what a spermologer collects? I'll give you a hint. I'm a spermologer. In fact, I'm the biggest spermologer on this site! I've got heaps and heaps of it! So much, in fact, that I can't keep track! Jeepers! Still can't guess? A spermologer collects trivia!

This Week's Amazin' Fact: I've got a bunch of amazin' facts for you this week. You see, while Kevin and Aimee were watching Bert Newton, I nipped into the closet and found Trivial Pursuit, a spermologer's favourite treat! I learned that Koalas in Victoria are larger than koalas in Queensland! Also, Katherine Hepburn has won more Ocsars than any other actress! Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace weighs over a kilogram! And, in case you didn't know, the first Australian Cricket Team to be sent back to England for a tournament was made up entirely of Aboriginals! Neat! And that's only one card!

I'll leave you with this question: Who replaced Pete Best? Get it right, and you get the Pink Pie!

Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
Distance this week: 0kmDistance since Day 1: 11600km

What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!

Day 282: Puzzlewonderful
a day of puzzles
Eight years together and it's just today that I learn that Kevin loves jigsaw puzzles. Don't know why it's a surprise, since he loves other mindless pursuits like Quake and the alphabet game. I think it's his ability to concentrate so fully on insignificance that makes him a good puzzle man.
   I've tried jumping in now and then, to help build, say, a portion of a pink cat's ear, and given up because there are three cats in the picture and they're all pink and there are, like, two hundred pieces of pink fur to choose from. It's too much for me.
   Maybe all those years of staring at the computer two inches from his eyes that's honed his vision to a fine point of crystal clarity, allowing him to distinguish "pink" from "more pink". Maybe he's just a freak.

"Yeah, like the Port Neill Hotel is likely to serve baklava."
- Kevin.

Day 283: Todd's Pokies, Where the house always wins.
a day of monopoly
Monopoly. Now there's a game for me. It's all business transactions, and steely bargaining. It takes a mean poker face, conviction, determination, cunning, and doesn't have anything to do with distinguishing colours.
   The only thing is, I can never win when I play against Kevin. Never, ever, ever, ever. And let me tell you, when you're playing a game against Kev, he is NOT a graceful winner. He gets this wicked little smile on his face that tells you that he just knows he's better than you at this game and it pleases him very much. It's especially fun when you land on his hotel and he starts toying with you. "Oh, let's see, that's $1200 you owe me. Golly, that's one expensive hotel room. Now... OH! You only seem to have about $11 on you. Tell you what. I'll make you a deal. You can either sell all of your hotels and mortgage all of your properties, but where would that get you? Why not just hand over Marvin Gardens and we'll call it even." Then he cackles like evil deed holder of the orphanage.
   He'll tell you he does no such thing. But he does. Tells you a lot about his character, doesn't it? On the other hand, the only time I can ever win Monopoly against anyone is when I've been the banker. What does that tell you about me?

"What? It says here 'No reward at Free Parking.' That's crap. It should be called Free Lotto Jackpot Magical Wondersquare."
- Kevin.

Day 284: ...And you put it on top
a day of jenga
I'm starting to feel as though we're exploring our personalities through games this week. Today's game was Jenga. I won every game. Does this mean that I've got nerves of steel? Should I have become a surgeon? We only played three games before Kev was ready to call it quits. I smiled a wicked little smile in retaliation for yesterday's Monopoly game.

"Guess that's what happens when you wake up at noon. This must be what Chris fells like."
- Aimee.

Day 285: Enh...
a day of uncertainty
Do we stay or do we go? It's pretty miserable out, so we should probably stay. That would let Kev break open that 1500 piece puzzle he's been eyeing and I'd get to bake my 100th cookie of the week... hmmm.
   Oh what the frickin' frack! Let's be wild! Let's be crazy! Let's stay another day! Yay!

"Sometimes it's kind of fun to be a poncy sook.
Hey, look at me! I'm a British Cyclist!"
- Aimee.

Day 286: Nice day to go nowhere
a day of defiance
Today's the day. The sky is clear and the wind is only slightly blowing against us. It might not get any better than this, so we packed up all our stuff, loaded the trikes and then... stopped. It's a beautiful day, we said. Why ruin it by biking?
   As Kev reasoned, every other time during this trip, we've jumped at the chance to take advantage of good weather. This means that our down days are filled with miserable skies and thundering storms. Wouldn't it be a novel idea to enjoy a sunny day by lounging by the sea?
   I tell you, we can talk ourselves into anything.

"I don't know what they are, but they're yummy!"
- Kevin.

Day 287: Faker Baker
a day of baking
Man, are we ever lazy this week. We've now reasoned our way into "taking the weekend off" and leaving on Monday. Everyone else gets the weekend off, so why shouldn't we?
   Are we scratching the bottom of the barrel or what? But really, don't we deserve it? And don't we also deserve some fake-cinibun cookies?

"Yeah, I've noticed that about women. Before they get married, their hair is all long, and wavy, but as soon as they get married they cut it short. Yeah, and they trade in their fancy sports car for a blue minivan."
- Chris.

Day 288: This Picture is worth 1500 words
another day of puzzles
Fifteen hundred pieces of puzzle. Two people. Twelve hours.
  That's an average of sixty-two and a half pieces of puzzle per person per hour. That works out to more than a piece a minute, doesn't it? Well, I'll tell ya, it sure as heck didn't feel that way.

"Oh, this must be the part in the movie where the Sinbad screws up and gets fired then realizes he's the only one who can save the President's kid because they learned so much about each other when they hated each other but grew to like each other and Sinbad saves the day and is offered a promotion but decides not to take it. Let's see."
- Kevin.

here's a puzzler...
The second puzzle we completed this week, entitled Crafty Crimson Cats Carefully Catching Crusty Crayfish turned out to be solid grounds for a contest, and we know how much you love contests. The question is...

How many things can you find in this picture that
begin with the letter C?

(click photo to enlarge - enter by email - ask a six year old to help)

chilblains: red swelling lesions on the feet, caused by an abnormal reaction to the cold. Common cause: having cold feet due to cement-floored Aussie house in winter, and sticking feet next to the heater, warming them too rapidly. For more information, ask Dr. Foot.

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© 2003 Kevin & Aimee Beimers. Thank you, Doctor Foot!