week 29...
whine country

Western Australia's Nipple

Oh, to have a coat of warm, water-resistant fur.

I can't believe that within a month, we've gone from whinging about the heat to whining about the cold. Just when we've become acclimatized to the plus-forty heat, the stupid unpredictable planet goes and jumps around to the other side of the sun. (As an aside, the 'plus' isn't necessary when talking about the temperature. Australians look at you funny when you say 'plus-forty', as if to say 'well, of course it's plus. You're talking about forty degrees, it couldn't bloody well be minus-forty, now, could it? It doesn't get that cold anywhere as far as I know.' Their thermometers don't even drop below minus-five.)

How is this going to affect our cycling trip? We'll be replacing all that space we used to carry water with warm-weather clothes, we're on the lookout for another sleeping bag, and most importantly, we're going to have to start hanging out in the rotisserie chicken section of the supermarket, instead of the frozen food aisle.
I'm Just A Bill:
Name: Bill
Wife: Pat
Children: 3
Dog: 1
Ponies: 2
Sheep: 4000
Acres Owned: 5000

Company Then: Bill's Age: 26
Trucks: 1
Employees: 1

Company Now: Bill's Age: 66
Trucks: 190
Employees: 210

Little Known Fact: Bill and his wife said several times that we were the first strangers he's ever let into his property! We musta just looked like nice folk!
meet bill catalano
It was getting dark, and campspots were sparse, so we resorted to Plan B: Ask a farmer. A 4x4 drove by us and stopped to get his mail, which is when Aimee pounced. "Can we sleep in your paddock tonight?" Bill turned out to have much more than just a paddock...

Catalano, Catalano, that name sounds familiar... what do you do? I'm an earth mover. You know, drive trucks and things.

Of course! We've been passed by Catalano trucks all day! Yeah, those are mine. We're working on a big project just up the road, so my boys should have been hard at work.

Pat: His Wife

Missy Girl: His Dog

Huge: His House

So you own the trucking company? Yep.

How big? Oh, you know, about 190 trucks, mostly for hauling, some of those Caterpillars, the backhoes, the bulldozers, huge tip trucks. And a staff of just over 200.

So is it just you and Pat in this huge house? Yes, and Missy Girl, the dog. One of my daughters lives up the road, the other's travelling, and my son works for Catalano.

So when you retire, is your son taking over the family business? Hah, I'm never retiring. I've always said I'll go with me boots on.
these are the people in our neighbourhood...

Steve was the Skipper on our Dolphin Cruise. According to Stevie, dolphins are all fine and good, but if you want a real show, come back in WHALE SEASON. Now that's entertainment!
Genine made us feel right at home while talking to oodles of strangers over ABC Radio Southwest. I can't believe she got us to tell the public how many pairs of knickers we're carrying.
She's the brains behind the scenes at ABC Radio. Typically, you'll find Sharon juggling phone calls, setting up interviews, getting water for guests and co-ordinating her shirt to the back wall.
The Drunken, Class-Cutting Delinquents
It wasn't obvious that they were drunk until they jumped on the trikes and nearly smashed them into a Suzuki. Blessed are the stupid.
Ranger Owen
But, but, but... we camp next to the highway every night! That's just a warning ticket Owen's ripping out of his pad. Looks like the law DOES bend a little when you're famous. Boo on the dorks who phoned us in!
The Busso Shire Council
Berryl called Owen (see left) into her office and busted him for busting us last night. Then she invited him to have a cuppa with the rest of the gang at the shire. It's good to have funny friends in high places.
wally's amazin' facts!
The longest jetty in the Southern Hemisphere is right here in good old downtown Busselton! The jetty, which sticks out into the ocean nearly two kilometres is made entirely of timber and houses an interpretive centre, a gift shop, a marine display and even a train to get lazy buggers all the way out to the end! Jeepers!

This Week's Amazin' Facts: Drinking and driving don't mix, but driving and drinking is a whole other story down in the south west! The locals of the Margaret River region will tell you about the 60 wineries to choose from, and you can spend most of your day driving from one to the next, sampling the grapey goodies! Funny enough though, while Margaret River seems to get all the fame, most of the wineries are actually in Busselton Shire! Maybe the rich folk just like Margaret River because it sounds so much like Martha's Vineyard! Stupid Kennedys!

Nevertheless, Margaret River is famous for two things: wine and surfing. Any idea why the surfing is so bitchin' down there?

Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
where's dorko?
(Roadtrip Edition)

All this cold is reminding me of our jaunt through the chilly American winter. The only way we stayed alive was by constantly warming ourselves with the heat escaping from Dorko's mouth.

As a tribute to those freezing winter days, we bring you a game that's sure to get your mouse finger warmed up. The question is, can you figure out in which American city your favourite dorkapotamus is? You may have to do some hunting through our Adventures in America to figure out the tough ones.

Warning: This ain't no wimpy caterpillar contest. This is possibly one of the hardest contests we've ever had, equal only in difficulty to the Skyline Contest and the Contest to End All Contests. Good Luck.

Let's see how well you can do...
Click on the photos for more clues (but not much more).

Dorko must be in...

Dorko must be in...

Dorko must be in...

Dorko must be in...

Dorko must be in...

Dorko must be in...

Sorry, bud. That contest is over. The answer is on Week 66.
Distance this week: 220kmDistance since Day 1: 8644km

What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!

Day 198: I Want Juuuuice!
Distance Travelled: 57.6km Temperature: 21
Time on Trikes: 7.5h Water Left: 3.5L
Terrain: Much Traffic, Little Shoulder
End Location: The Catalano Mansion
i blame wyatt
If Wyatt Edwards hadn't invited us to Christmas dinner waaaaay back when in the Kimberley, we never would have become obsessed with Harvey Fresh Apple Cordial. If you're Australian, right about now you're thinking to yourself, "Funny, I didn't know Harvey Fresh made apple cordial."
  You're not alone. 99.9999% of Australians haven't heard of Harvey Fresh Apple Cordial. Sure, everyone from Danni Minogue to Antonia Kidman has woken up to Harvey Fresh milk and juice, but mention Harvey Fresh Cordial and you'll be met with a blank stare and denials that such a product exists.
   IT DOES. We've tasted it. Wyatt gave us a bottle of Harvey Fresh Apple Cordial for the road after we said goodbye at the Ord River Construction Camp. It was the best frickin' cordial we've ever had and we've certainly had our share of frickin' cordial.
   Our quest has grown to such proportions that we've diverted our course to include the small town of Harvey, home of Harvey Fresh. If anywhere in the world has Harvey Fresh Cordial, it must be Harvey.
   And guess what! Guess frickin' frackin' what! It's not here. They've never even heard of it. And so, we can only come to one conclusion... Wyatt Edwards really was Santa Claus.

Our Pathetic Public Plea
Please send us Harvey Fresh Apple Cordial. If you work for Harvey Fresh, or know someone who does, please mail two 2.2 litre jugs to the Esperance Post Office, c/o Poste Restante. We'll be there in a few weeks to collect them.

"My sister-in-law's dog will eat anything. She feeds it dog food."
- Pat Catalano.
Day 199: All Aboard!
Distance Travelled: 27.8km Temperature: 23
Time on Trikes: 3.0h Water Left: 3.0L
Terrain: Convenient
End Location: Bunbury Big4
shop smart, shop s-mart
Life at beimers.com alternates between supremely exciting and monumentally dull moments. Take today for instance. Later this afternoon we're being interviewed by ABC Radio (supremely exciting) and we'll get to tell tens of thousands of people all about our adventures (and, as it turns out, our underwear). Until then, we've got four hours in Bunbury Centrepoint Mall (monumentally dull).
   The trick in our life is to turn our monumentally dull moments into supremely exciting moments. Today, we do this with hats. Funny hats. Ha! HAHAHA! That hat's FRICKIN' HILARIOUS! Oh gosh, I can't take it. Click the picture for even more supremely exciting monumentally dull moments.

"Cool! Look! We're on the whiteboard!"
- Aimee.
Day 200: That reminds me: we need more tuna...
Distance Travelled: 14.3km Temperature: 28
Time on Trikes: 2.5h Water Left: 3.0L
Terrain: Courteous
End Location: Bunbury Big4
flappin' our flippers
Occasionally, fame does have its advantages. Just ask Winona Ryder.
   Even self-induced fame works wonders at times. I mean, here we are, just two ordinary joes with a big silly bike and a big silly website, and people just start offering us free stuff! People like shire presidents, people like B&B owners, and people like... Dolphin Cruise Skippers!
   Today we were scooted out to the Bunbury Channel by Naturaliste Charters to come face to face with the dolphins! Bunbury is another Aussie treasure trove of sea mammals, home to dolphins in the winter and spring and home to whales in the summer and fall. The whale tours are apparently AWESOME, but even the off-season dolphin tour was something to write home about.
   And what did we do to deserve such hospitality? Easy, just had to prove that 1) we're famous, and 2) we've got clout with the consumer public. Did you know our site gets 20,000 unique visitors a month? And if just 1% of those people clicks on a link like, oh, www.whales-australia.com for instance, that's 200 more people who now know where to book a kickass whale and dolphin tour. Go on, click it! Don't believe us? Want us doing more cool things for free? For goodness sakes, click the link!
Aimee: "Sorry, I was looking at the gang gang."
Kevin: "Great, I'll remember that when we're DEAD."
Day 201: World's Cutest Birdfeeder
Distance Travelled: 43.5km Temperature: 23
Time on Trikes: 4.5h Water Left: 2.5L
Terrain: Flat
End Location: Busselton Shire
longer than the last
Hey! Hey! Hey! You see what day it is? It's Day 201! That means that this is the LONGEST ADVENTURE we've ever had! Our American adventure lasted a measly 200 days. But what a trip that was. 200 days of tacky roadside attractions, McDonalds experimental sandwiches, papier mache and star-studded fun. If there's one country that knows about self-induced fame, it's America
   Why not celebrate this joyous occasion by flipping through our American Roadtrip? While you're at it, see if you can solve our Dorkapotamus Contest before we reach Day 300.

"It hurts!"
- Aimee in the rain.
Day 202: Owen owns up
Distance Travelled: 17.3km Temperature: 19
Time on Trikes: 2.0h Water Left: 1.0L
Terrain: Still Flat
End Location: Paradise Motor Inn
Big super thanks to Michael Cahill who sponsored us for $50 and bought us a good night's sleep! We sure needed it after all that rain!

You can buy us some goodies too! Donate cash when you visit
The Giftshop!
busted in busselton
Our story begins yesterday. Last night, to be precise. We were tired. Too tired. We pulled the bikes off the side of the highway to camp, as we're apt to do. Unfortunately, some Busselton busybody decided that they didn't like vagrants, transients or hooligans camping on their roadsides, so they decided to call the local Ranger. Ranger Owen, sworn to protect the Busybodies of Busselton, came a-knocking on our tent.
   Luckily for us, Owen's first words to us were "Weren't you guys on the radio a couple of days ago?" (another fine example of the beauty of being famous like us). In a situation that could have involved a $100 on-the-spot fine and the phrase "RESPECT MY AUTHORI-TY!", we were let off with warning and a smile. What a guy!
   Which brings us to today. Today we're having tea with the President of the Shire of Busselton. One of the first questions she asked us was where we stayed last night. Being brutally honest, we had to shamefully admit that we'd been "busted" for camping illegally in her shire. Instead of laughing at us (actually, after laughing at us) President Berryl decided that we could get a few laughs out of it if we all watched while she called Ranger Owen into Council Chambers to ask why he would dare to disturb the innocent camping of two esteemed visitors (she meant us). We all hid while Owen was grilled. When we felt sufficently sorry for the fella, we all had a cuppa and a good laugh over it all.
   It's always nice to see a shire with a sense of humour.

"It's like all British television is inspired by the weather: 'Ugh, it's gloomy out, guess I'll go act.'"
- Aimee.
Day 203: My Two Favourite Words!
Distance Travelled: 59.7km Temperature: 15
Time on Trikes: 7.0h Water Left: 1.5L
Terrain: Hilly, Rainy, Busy and Miserable
End Location: Bryan's, Margaret River
south australia, here i come
If you know me, you'll understand that it's very, very difficult to make me angry. I can be easily teased and tickled. I am almost constantly smiling or laughing. Anger is not something that comes naturally for me.
   However, today I was unjustly provoked. I'd been cycling for almost eight hours through winding winery hills and freezing rain. I was soaked and the only thing that was any compensation was that we were on our way to a friend's house where I would be able to sleep in a warm bed instead of a wet sleeping bag.
   We were giving it our all today to make it to Margaret River. The wind was whipping the rain off the cars and onto us. I had to use the snorkel spit method to see through my glasses. The only thing keeping us warm was the layer of mud that the weekend traffic was splattering over our bodies. We were nearly wiped and we still had two hours to go when we stopped at the cheese factory for two minutes to grab a quick bite to eat.
   We pull into the parking lot, breathe a huge sigh of discomfort and my ears pick up the nasaly voice of this jackass in his fifties getting out of his Trailblazer yelling at me: "We saw you on the road and she weren't pedalling the whole way! Haw haw!"
   Luckily, Kevin stepped in and responded with something quippy like, "I know, someone lets me know that EVERY DAY." If I'd been alone, I probably would have answered, "Shut the f@%k up you f@%kin d!p$#it son of a b!#@h b@$tard &#%g%$ %@$##ng &@%$# and get the @#c% back in your $&#% !^*#%$@^# and dr$#@e the f%$& %$$$$$# !*%#&#%$%. Dink."
   If I may just say: should you happen to see people riding a tandem, do yourself a favour, and don't bother telling them that the one in the back isn't pedalling. It'll make it easier for all of us.

"You just see that? A whole bus full of patterned sweaters."
- Kevin.
Day 204: Half-Baked
Distance Travelled: 0.0km Temperature: 23
End Location: Margaret River
sedona, sausalito & branson
Finally. The Dunsborough Bakery. I can't believe we're actually here! I'm all aflutter! At least, I think I should be. According to Western Australians, this could very well be the greatest place EVER.
   Aimee had a pie, I had a jam donut (have we done a story about how Australians can't make proper donuts? Perhaps some other time then...). Tasty, crisp crust, meaty filling (unless we're talking about the donut, in which case it was fruity filling). All in all, a fine pie (or donut). Breathtaking? Earth shattering? Spellbinding? Enh.
   You may be wondering about the title. These are the names of other places we've visited that have been raved about, and later revealed to be, well, short of their expectations, at least as far as I'm concerned. Maybe I'm different. I can't say I'm exactly a trend follower.
   Actually, I have no idea how trends like these start, but time and time again, we would hear "You'll be in The Grand Canyon/San Francisco/St. Louis? You HAVE to go to Sedona/Sausalito/Branson. Absolutely beautiful/gorgeous/spectacular." These places must have the most incredible underground P.R. firm, since I've never seen a travel ad for any of them. Ask anyone who's anyone about Sausalito. Guaranteed, they'll either say "It's beautiful" or "I've heard it's beautiful."
   I can only guess that it's a "Coolest Kid in the Playground" syndrome. The cool kid comes to school with, say, staples in his forehead. Then he says, "you know what's cool? Staples in your forehead." Then the rest of the class begins to say, "you know what's cool? Staples in your forehead. Lance says so." Pretty soon, staples have become cool, thanks to Lance, though no one really knows why.
   Anyhoo... yeah, Dunsborough Bakery? I'll say it's better than putting staples in your forehead, but come on. They're just pies.

"There's something awfully sexy about trackie-daks. Well, no, not really."
- Aimee.
skipper: (n.) designated driver. If you visited every winery in the Margaret River Region, had a sip of Chardonnay, Chenin Blanc and Merlot at each one, you'd be legally drunk until noon the next day.
Have a safe holiday. Arrive alive. Assign your skipper NOW.

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© 2003 Kevin Beimers & Aimee Lingman. Crazy Tasmanian Cyclists.