it's that time of year again...
the 2002 crappy gift exchange!

This could be you!

Imagine your joy as you run down the stairs two days after Christmas morning to find a cardboard box has been delivered to your doorstep. Imagine your elation as you peel back the sticky silver tape, untie the clashing ribbon and carefully unwrap the greasy wet paper bag used as wrapping paper. Imagine your disgust at the contents.

It's not visions of sugarplums dancing in your head, but it looks about the same! That's right. It's back and it's bigger than ever. Crap.

For those of you who have entered the First Annual Crappy Gift Exchange last year, you can skip all this crapola and fill in the entry form. Why waste your time reading when you've got important crap to buy? We want to see you outdo yourselves this year.

For those of you who are new to the world of crap-giving, we've given you enough information on this page to make you certified crap-sperts (or is that crap spurts? Eww). Read up, sign up. It's going to be our Crappiest Non-Denominational Holiday yet!

Just remember, there are some things money can't buy, but two-hundred and fifty bucks on Ebay can buy you a whole crapload of crap.

That sorry is for two things: Sorry to all the people below for signing up in time and subjecting themselves to the horror of how awful Christmas can be, and sorry to the rest of the world because it's too late to join in! Here's the lucky lot...

Corbin, KY

John & Jen
Hellertown, PA

Southampton, UK

Thunder Bay, ON

John & Jess
Wellington, NZ

Camira, Qld

Thunder Bay, ON

Northbrook, IL

Frank & Susan
Thunder Bay, ON

Ainslie, Aus

New York, NY

Valerie & Ian
Guelph, ON

Kippy & Martin
Kanata, ON

New York, NY

Thunder Bay, ON

Thunder Bay, ON

Bruce & Valerie
Ft. Lauderdale, FL

Calgary, AB

Thunder Bay, ON

Stratford, ON

Berlin, MA

Guelph, ON

Thunder Bay, ON

Sea Cliff, NY

Thunder Bay, ON

Thunder Bay, ON

Thunder Bay, ON

New York, NY

New York, NY

Thunder Bay, ON
If we don't have a photo of you,
send us one!

Email it to

What is the Crappy Gift Exchange?
It's your chance to buy that hideous thing in that awful store that you've never wanted, and give it to a good friend (or stranger) to show how much you care for them.

This is my first Crappy Gift Exchange. Can you give me some ideas?
Absolutely. There is an art to this holiday, because, as we've learned throughout the years, there is a difference between good crap and bad crap.

Bad crap, when opened at a party, is usually met with "hmm," "oooookay," or forced laughter. If it's not silly enough, weird enough or tacky enough, it's bad crap. Good crap, on the other hand, is met with, "oh my GOSH what the hell is that?" or "Holy Toledo, how did you get that in a box?"

You want to give good crap. Here is a handy chart to sort out any confusion...

Bad Crap
A Milli Vanilli record
A lava lamp
A supscription to AOL
A bad sci-fi movie on VHS*
A half-eaten box of chocolates*
A broken clock
Movie Passes
A 6' Statue of Liberty
German Porn*
Anthrax Spores
Actual crap
Good Crap
A Captain Kirk Commemorative Plate
A wall sconce fashioned from a deer's hoof*
A hanging mobile of AOL junk mail*
A video of the Million Mom March*
A chocolate replica of Mt. Rushmore
A "Last Supper" clock**
Movie Passes to Glitter
A 6' Statue of Regis Philbin
A signed photograph of John Ritter
A fetal alien in formaldehyde*
An album of photos of actual crap*
* actual gifts given in previous years.
** came with Jesus & Mary picture frames. Doubly funny because recipient was Jewish.

If you can't tell the difference, try it on a friend. Put your gift behind your back and say to them, "What if I were to give you... this?" If they vomit, or even simply leap backwards in disgust, you've got a winner. If they raise their eyebrows and say, "Umm... no," take it back to the store. It's bad crap.

Got it? Then SIGN UP, DAMMIT!

For virtually the same information about the rules, check out Crappy Gift Exchange 2001.
Also check out last year's contestants and last year's results.
Let's hear from last year's recipients...

"I thought I had a good time when I was on Romper Room... the Crappy Gift Exchange topped it! And how!"
- Michael, New York
Seashell Bunny

"It's better than sex...
or so I've heard!"
- Colin, Ontario
Mood Ball

"The perfect mood music for those romantic evenings with my chickens!"
- Jon, Pennsylvania
Colonel Sanders' Mandolin Band

Official Rules and Regulations of the
Crappy Gift Exchange:

1. There is no weight or size limit on the Crappy Gift.
2. There is no price limit on the Crappy Gift.
3. Sender pays for all shipping charges.
4. Sender is responsible for mailing Crappy Gift on time to arrive at its destination no later than December 27, 2001.
5. You must keep the Crappy Gift in your house (or yard where applicable) for a period of one month. During this time, you must e-mail a photo of the gift on display in your home (or yard) to Aimee or Kevin.
6. After the one month trial period, you may dispose of the gift in any manner you wish. Of course, if you dispose of it in a unique way, please let us know and we'll include it on the site.
7. Should you, your property or your mail carrier be harmed by your Crappy Gift, is not responsible for any damages, charges or medical costs.

For a complete transcript of rules
please write to us.

The History of Crap
It all began with four kids from a remote city in Northern Canada. One Christmas, they all thought it would make for a unique, if not entertaining, Christmas morning to give each other the worst presents they could find. This usually involved a trip to the 4 for $9.96 cassette tape bin at Zellers or the dollar store. Imagine the delight on the 25th when they awoke to a Sticky George album, or maybe just a dollhouse kitchenette set. It was the start of something big. Well, maybe the start of something medium.

The years went by, and the gifts became more elaborate, more risque, and more innovative. The list of competitors grew, the group got older, and it was then that The Rules were set down by the makers.

One unfortunate year (or perhaps fortunate), the original Four split apart to work in different cities. The gift of crap was split also, to be taken to the four corners of the land. One went West to Calgary, one South to Mitchell, one East to New York, and one stayed in Thunder Bay, to keep the tradition alive (there was no need to go North, as he was as far North as was worth going already).

And that, good children, is how the tradition of crap was spread to the world.

Check out!

© 2002 Kevin Beimers & Aimee Lingman. The gift that keeps on giving.