week 6...
waltz in st. kilda

Coney Island of Oz

It would take more than a Scooby Snack to get me into this creepy carnival!
toilet tech...
Upon seeing that picture of the toilet, I'll bet that at least 75% of you North Americans thought this paragraph would be discussing the wonders of clockwise toilet flushing. And then you thought I'd go on to discuss the episode of the Simpsons where they have the machine at the American Embassy that makes the flush go the right way, and maybe bring up the toilet-flush-over-the-equator we eluded to the first week. Yes yes yes, all very funny.

Well, I'm not going to do any of that. If you're looking for cheap laughs like that then you've come to the wrong place. What I'm about to discuss is a very serious environmental lesson that the rest of the world could learn from. I'm refering, of course, to the simple technological innovation of the Australian toilet: the pee and poo buttons.

It's such a simple way to reduce water consumption! The button on the left is the pee button: you pee, then you press the pee button. The bigger button on the right is the poo button. It's used the same way as the pee button, except for poo. And what makes them so brilliant? Why, the pee button only uses half the tank! Come on, how much water does it take to flush pee?

The Americans thought they carried the ball of toilet science back when they introduced the Standard 1.2 Gallon tank to reduce the amount of flush. Little did they realize that, especially after an evening at the Old Country Buffet, that a 1.2 Gallon flush from a Standard American Toilet is no match for a Standard American Poo. You know the situation: you're using a friend's toilet, and you stand up to discover that one flush is not enough! Now you have to wait there in the bathroom until the tank fills up again for a second try. Don't deny it! You've been there.

So, world, it's time to admit that there is something the Australians can teach us. Swallow your toilet pride, and get yourself a set of these pee and poo buttons. While you're at it, eat less red meat, be good to your elders, and don't do drugs.
Tilley Tidbits:
Ages: Both 30
Occupation: Physiotherapists
Pets: Jessie the Dog
Home: Glen Waverly
Spare Time: Travel
Her Team: Carlton
His Team: Richmond

Nationality: Both sixth generation Aussies. And in case you're wondering, their relatives weren't criminals. Yeah sure. And Kev's dad doesn't work at the Shell.

meet the tilleys
What a country! Drop a Chupa-Chup, make a new friend! Meet Mark and Andrea Tilley, whom we liked so much that we chatted long into the night, keeping the restaurant open for 2 extra hours...

You two just got back from vacation, where did you go? This time we went to Thailand for a few weeks. The food was amazing! We took a Thai cooking class a while back and learned some of their secrets.

Is Thailand your favourite? No, we'd have to say that Nepal is our favourite by far. It's just incredible. The most incredible place you'll ever go.

Her claim to fame: Well, I once entered a Triathlon, without realizing it was the Australian National Triathalon. I came in third in my age category! Of course, my age category only had three people in it, but I still won $30.

His life gripe: Both my mum and dad were heirs to sizable Australia businesses. My mum's side of the family was NuLax, a well known Aussie laxative, and my dad's side was Tilley soaps. Of course both grandfathers sold the businesses before I was old enough to take them over.

Aussies Say: 'Chuppa-Chupp', rhymes with 'pup'
Americans Say: 'Choopa-Choop', rhymes with 'poop'
cracked First Contact:45 Online Debate:186 Moldy's Revenge:Today Today's Weather:
Another epic chapter of the Mold-a-Rama dramedy unfolded today when we received our very own, brand-new, perfectly-scupltured, modern-day plastic Liberty Bell! As you may recall from our last trip, the Moldsters who run the Henry Ford Mold-a-Rama device found it disconcerting that (a) our first Liberty Bell gobbed up the machine, and (b) that we took a movie of it and broadcasted it to the world. No harm intended, but the head of Mold felt we should (a) get a new Liberty Bell, and (b) stop broadcasting the movie. By committee, we decided to run a vote, and the result was that the movie stayed, with a disclaimer, and plenty of good things would be said about Mold-A-Rama. We love the Mold-A-Rama.
  And we love it even more now! Through a bit of junior detective work, Mr. Mold* (name has been changed) himself found our Aussie abode and shipped us a new one! You da man!

- A cryptic note left in the box.
50/50 Kieran:Clever Nicole:Trampy Brodie:Slick Today's Weather:
This country is evenly divided. Half watch. The other half don't. On any given night, between 7 and 7:30 (and especially at 9:30 Thursday) half the population of Australia is watching Big Brother. That's nearly 12 million people plunking themselves down every night to watch twelve hand-picked, hunky extroverts prance around in suimsuits and pretend to like each other. Kevin and I are among the half that do watch, and we're to the point where I'll time dinner so that we can eat it during the show. To the casual observer this may seem kind of sad, but I like to tell myself that it's a cultural phenomenon that I have to experience while I'm here. So I'll be staying tuned, with the rest of Australia.

"We may be interrupting the show from time to time to let you know what's going on with Turkan in the Big Brother house."
- Channel Ten News reporter.
young boys in tights 10 year old boys:10 year old boys in tights:Today's Weather:
They didn't seem embarrassed, but I was embarrassed for them. I was innocently shopping in the mall today when I nearly walked into the middle of a Boys Jazzercise Demonstration. There were six boys all decked out in Greco Roman leotards (mistake #1: boys should never wear leotards, even if they wrestle) which had a big strip of bedazzled jewels (mistake #2: bedazzled jewels) across the chest. They were doing a coordinated routine in which they would do hip wiggles and froggy jumps and other movements that should not have been performed in public by anyone. Especially young boys in leotards.
  I can only wonder how they were bribed into such a thing. Do the boys here have mandatory jazzercise to limber them up for footy? Did their parents want a girl? Do they select them at birth to learn the ancient skill of jazz dancing? And can you imagine I forgot my camera again?

"Y'know, I just can't picture my nephews jazzercising
in the mall. Well, maybe Dallyn."
- Aimee.
killer of a day Hookers:Suspicious Characters:Amnesty Lobbyists:Today's Weather:
Why is it that on any day we decided to venture into Melbourne, the weather tries to make us stay home? Today we made a bee-line for St. Kilda, the supposed "place to be" for young hipsters like ourselves. It was sunny when we left, but within ten minutes of beach walking at the Australian equivalent of the Atlantic City Boardwalk, the weather turned as grey, creepy and threatening as the local streetfolk. When we didn't turn back, we were met with gale-force winds, biting rain, and clouds dark enough to make Noah jealous. We escaped to the sanctuary of a nearby burger joint for a Greasy Joe Burger and a pot of Cooper's before getting the hell out of there.
  As we boarded the tram, we could swear that huge Luna Park head was laughing at us. Just you wait, giant head. You'll get yours. You'll see.

"If it's good enough for Ground Zero, it's good enough for St. Kilda."
- Aimee.
local peeps Australia's Best Wine Under $10:Butterfly Ridge Today's Weather:
Have we mentioned how incredibly easy it is to meet people here? We have? Well, fine, why don't you go read the interview then? Think you're so frickin' smart.

"We've been told it's bad form to bring up the criminal thing."
- Aimee.
cheese! Potato,Flour,Egg,and Cheese:Yummy! Today's Weather:
Everything in our kitchen is starting to get a fine layer of flour over it. Should I run out of flour on the table, I can just roll the dough over the walls. All this work, for something so little, and something so yummy. It's been said that you shouldn't try to improve on a good thing (or in other words, if it ain't broke, don't fix it), but we never listen to such words of wisdom. We've taken our basic gnocchi recipe and super-gnocchied it with two new recipes... Introducing gnoccioli and gnocchioili!

"Our relationship isn't based on lies and deceit... it's based on trust and tickles!"
- Aimee.
sports mums St Kilda:102 Demons:105 Today's Weather:
Look at that face! The determination, the team spirit glowing through his tattooed cheeks! He's barracked for St. Kilda his whole life and he'll keep it up this season too, even though they don't have a chance of getting to the Grand Final. It's a family event today, as Braden brings his mum to the MCG to watch the family footy club get smacked by the Melbourne Demons. As mum would say, as long as everybody plays their best and nobody gets hurt then it doesn't matter who wi-- COME ON, UMP! WHAT ARE YOU, @#$%& BLIND?!

"That's the bloke that got bit in the jollies last week."
- Braden's Dad.
stickybeak: (slang.) a peek. Origin may have something to do with sticking your beak where it doesn't belong.
Let's take a stickybeak and see what the Housemates are up to...

Join our mailing list!  
Enter your email address into the box above to get updates from us!
true colours
shining through

We've got mail...
G'day Kevin and Aimee, Timely, I'd say. We were just talking about you guys yesterday and FINALLY got around to logging on to our computer and your site....it's great!! And you even managed to take a fab snap of us.... I thought we looked quite nice! He he he. Have been lying low recently, some fairly extreme mountain biking last weekend down Gippsland way; away this weekend up to Bright to cycle the 'rail trail'....and have both been hit by the dreaded 'lurgie'. Hope all is well with you and if you're still around we could catch up for a beer.
- Mark & Andrea, Glen Waverly VIC

can you tell me where and when you got your liberty bell moldarama?
- Dennis, Location Unknown

Drop us a note!

Check out our American roadtrip at roadtrip.beimers.com!

© 2002 Kevin Beimers & Aimee Lingman. You know who else loves it? Yer mum.