week 5...
dandenong legs

Deep in the Dandenongs

His eyes wouldn't be glowing if he wasn't straddling an electrical wire!

The Hawthorn Hawks win the tossup... again.
an open letter to my brother...
Dear Chris:
On Saturday, we went to see the Hawthorn Hawks and the North Melbourne Roos play at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. We wore our blues and whites, ready to cheer on the good guys (the Roos) as they kicked the collective ass of your team, the Hawks. Little did we know how wrong we were.

In the first ten minutes of the game, the Hawks had already scored 30 points. By the end of the first quarter, they had over 50. The Roos just couldn't pull it together. They couldn't catch, they couldn't pass, they couldn't kick, and wherever the ball went, there were always at least three Hawks there to swoop it up and score a goal.

The final score was 155 to 87. The Roos played the most pathetic excuse for football I had ever seen in the three games I'd been to. It was sloppy, uncoordinated, and painful to watch. Your Hawks, on the other hand, were all together. Every pass was caught by the Hawks, even those kicked to the Roos.

I have no excuse. Your team clearly deserved the victory. I leave the following space on our site open for your response, hopefully rife with macho pandering and obnoxious gloating, a talent you wield so well.

Please, rip into me with as many footy insults as you can manage. You've earned it, and my team deserves it.


P.S. Aimee has dropped the Roos and barracks for Essendon now.

So still after all this time, my Hawks are still better than your Roos. It sounds like they mowed the field with them and ran them out of the MCG faster than you can say "GOOD ON YA, MATE!" That must have been a bloody ripper for you and I am sure you drowned your sorrows afterwards with Foster's Lager or Carlton Draught. And Aimee, what's the deal with switching teams barracking for the Essendon Bombers? You have gone from bad to worse! I was ridiculed constantly by my Aussie classmates in Horsham because I was they were all Bombers fans, it was a worse ribbing than the one I got in high school by all the Toronto Maple Leafs and Boston Bruins fans because I barracked for the Montreal Canadiens. I have always laughed in the face of danger because they were all jealous because deep inside they knew that my team was better.

I am glad you have renewed your passion for the game of Aussie rules football. Those are real fans there, similar to European football fans with the flag-waving and singing and everything.

Anyway, put this in that space,
All About Alsop:
Age: 29
Home: London
Occupation: Musician
Instrument: Dbl. Bass
Sibling: Eleanor

Pet: Cat
Hobby: Camping
Flick: Groundhog Day
Places: Mt. Helvellyn, or the Pier at Annagh Down

First Girl Ever Kissed: Amanda Duke

Single Ladies...
He's talented, clever, outdoorsy... a real catch!
Email Richard today, and don't forget the Tim Tams!

meet richard alsop
It's not every day we get to have a celebrity of this caliber on our site. In fact, it hasn't happened since we interviewed Miss Arkansas back in America. Let's see how Richard compares...

Where do you work? I'm auditioning for a role as the double bassist with the BBC Symphony Orchestra.

Why are you in Melbourne? We're putting on a couple of performances here this weekend, then it's up to Sydney, Taipei and Japan after that.

Enough shop talk, what's your most embarrassing moment? Setting off a fire extinguisher as a joke and then not knowing how to turn it off.

Have you ever met anyone famous? Like the Spice Girls? Well, I actually met the Queen once. She was at a dedication for a building named after my dad. I didn't really know what to say to her, but my mum had a good chat.

What did your dad do, for the Queen to show up? He did a lot of charity work, and did a lot to improve the low rent housing districts in London.

Who would play you in a movie about your life? It'd have to be an unknown who could make their mark playing me.

Do you know that tickets to the BBC Symphony Orchestra performance are really expensive? No, how much are they?

They're between $75 and $225! Really? Well, I wouldn't pay more than 10 quid.
thankless Galahs:Magpies:Birdseed Eaten:Today's Weather:
We decided that it would be very friendly of us if we went to feed the parrots in our neighbourhood each morning. How neighbourly! We figured that within a week they'd sweeping down from the trees when they saw us coming, eating out of our hands, singing a song they'd made up just for us in return for our generosity. Suburban bliss. However, the birds are quite happy on their own and have apparently taken up a petition to ignore us, and our falsely-labeled bag of "parrot food." We even went back two days later, and they still hadn't touched the little pile we left on the bench. Now we're taking this personally.

"It's not like I'm going to run into Mexico by accident."
- Kevin.
steamed Shrimp:1 lB Red Pepper:Leek:1/2 Today's Weather:
Presentation is everything when it comes to food. That's why I'm on a heavy Thai-steamer kick. Last week, to the chagrin of both Kev and Shaun, I tried to steam rice. All this did was make the whole house smell like burnt bamboo. This week, I'm making rice-paper dumplings and the success rate is much higher. More importantly, look at how good they look! No complaints with this dish, except that when you try to pick them up with chopsticks all the insides fall out. It's finger food!

"Ooo! Prison work!"
- Kevin.
nong day Wombats:Echidnas:Lyrebirds:Today's Weather:
We'd been planning a getaway to the Great Ocean Road for a while, but after the borrowed bike busted, we decided to explore closer to home. A full-day hike through the Dandenong mountains brought us closer to nature than ever before, testing our navigational skills and even entertaining a few giggly Kookaburras. Though it was the Lyrebird Trail we were on, and we didn't see a single stinky lyrebird, the Kookaburra still allowed us to cross another animal off of the Australian Weird-Animal Checklist. Still looking for that wombat...

"That's not a parrot, that's a pylon."
- Aimee.
photos: nun Mussels:$12kg Shrimp:$19kg Today's Weather:
From now on the camera is sticking by my side every second. I went into the Victoria Market today but didn't bring the camera, knowing I'd be weighed down on the way home by kilos of fresh veggies, meat and seafood. But, as the old wives' tale states, "Shoulda brought the camera, dumbass." Laziness caused me to miss out on the ultimate photo op: Fifteen nuns playing frisbee! Full habit, giggling like little girls. I know, it's hard to visualize without what would have been my Pulitzer-winning photo. That's why I've drawn this picture of the event. I hope it helps, but next time I'm bringing the camera.

"I like decorating with perishables."
- Aimee.
who's the poss? Possums:Today's Weather:
If you're just joining us, we've been tracking the elusive ring-tailed possum... and what an ugly creature 'e is! Look at that scruff, 'e's a big one, awright! Bettah not to get too close to 'im. Lookit the glowing eyes on 'im! What a rare creature, indeed! Uh oh, I think 'e's spotted us! Crikey, 'e's got a flashlight!

"Yes, she looks like a glomourous blonde model, right? Well she is, but Julie is also a Ju-Jistu champion and will not take any sexist crap."
- Copy taken from Rivers clothing catalogue.
the fumbleroos Hawthorn:155 Kangaroos:87 Today's Weather:
Slaughtered. Our team was bloody slaughtered at the MCG today. Actually, it's not my team anymore, it's only Kev's team. I'm rooting, I mean, barracking, for the Essendon Bombers from here on out. At least they can keep the ball in their hands without needing some of that Barnes Honey. Thank goodness the day got better after this shameful spectacle...

"I've actually heard that Aussie Rules Football is very
popular among the mentally handicapped."
- Dave, another BBC Double Bassist.
say what? Photos Of Us With Old Camera:11 Photos Of Us With Newer Camera:Photos Of Us With Physics Department Camera:Today's Weather:
Sunday's are so deceptive. They seem all quiet and cozy, until your landlord decides he wants to take photos of you sticking a lit match into your loved one's ear. There's no going back to reality after that.

"What kind of a country preempts Return of the Jedi with The Logies?"
- Kevin.

Oh no! Not that bastard again!
Remember Danny Nawrocki, who won just about every single contest on roadtrip.beimers.com? Well, he's back, and he's won again! In fact, he'd already figured out the Sparrow & Coconut Contest before we even announced it was online.

Are the rest of you going to let him monopolize the contests for another year? Better get up earlier next time!

First non-Danny answer:
Menno Jensma
      from Lisse, Holland.


Here's the question!      Here's the answer!

hen's night: (n.) a bachelorette party. As you can imagine, they got a real kick out of the Thunder Bay tradition of a "Shag", a dance to raise money for an upcoming wedding. It's not uncommon to hear:
"Trevor & Mary are getting married, you want tickets to the Shag?"

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so much for the mighty roos
We've got mail...
Hi Kevin and Aimee,
How are you? I`m fine! Nice to be on your homepage!
I read something about a contest for the best website? I think that you will win!
Have a nice time biking around Australia!
- Menno, Lisse Holland

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© 2002 Kevin Beimers & Aimee Lingman. Teva! You're a geek!