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What's the best way to beat the heat in Outback Oz? Simple! Do your riding
while the sun's asleep!
We took up the hobby of night riding once the temperature jumped 10 degrees. During the
day, we just cuddle up under a nice big tree... IN OUR DREAMS. You think there are nice
big trees here? Ha! I suppose you think we break out the tea and crumpets at noon, too!
A vast wasteland, I tell you.
During the day, you guzzle down as much sun-warmed greasy bore water as you can and slowly watch it
seep out the holes in your body like some bad beer commercial where a cowboy goes into the
saloon for refreshment and doesn't realize he's been shot six times. And you think he's got problems,
"poor cowboy" you say, but at least the cowboy's got a freakin' horse! It's miserable!
That's why we ride at night now.
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it happens...
Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about poop.
We had to get around to it sooner or later. The quality of the site, after all, has been on a slow, downward spiral into
The Land of Low-Brow Humour. Pretty soon, you knew we'd be talking about bums, or farting, or how picking your nose and eating it
tastes different in the dusty outback than it does on the streets of San Francisco. Yum! And let's face it, Wally can only
keep the kids entertained for so long.
When there's over 100km between towns, sometimes, well, you just can't hold it. You sit in your little bike seat, and squirm.
You try to pedal with your knees together, but you just end up looking like Martin Short doing the My Little Buttercup dance
on The Three Amigos. YOU HAVE TO POOP!
By law, we must now state that due to the graphic nature of the following material, we must ask that you censor yourselves accordingly. If you are:
1. under the age of 18, or are unaccompanied by a parent, guardian, or Mr. Clough;
2. offended by anything that occurs below the waist and above the knees;
3. live in the state of Mississippi;
...please do not read the following commentary. Instead, please go enjoy this photograph of smooth, creamy chocolate.
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how to crap in the bush
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1. Ask yourself, "The next town is 248 kilometres
away... can I make it?" |
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2. If the answer is no, get the garden shovel and
the toilet paper from its place on the back of the bike. |
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3. Dig a hole. It should be at least 5cm deep, and,
boys, since you've got extra bits, it doesn't hurt to make the hole a little longer to catch everything. |
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4. Stare at the hole. Assess again whether it's
really necessary that you go right this moment. |
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5. Pull your pants down to your knees, AND your
pantlegs UP to your knees. If you think you're using a toilet, and you leave everything around your ankles... ugh... better yet, first
timers may want to take their pants all the way off. |
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6. Now, squat. Preferably over the hole. Now,
close your eyes and say to yourself "It's a toilet... It's a toilet... It's a toilet..." |
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7. You're done! Put your pants back on and take a
bow! Don't forget to wipe! |
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by the way, speaking of crap...
Click here to sign up!
What is the Crappy Gift Exchange? |
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these are the people in our neighbourhood...
Barbara, Kelly & Britney
Remember Jim? He's the one who stopped and gave us the cold custard last week. Well, we ran into Jim again today on his way back to Darwin He gave us beer! Less than an hour later, Jim's wife Barbara, along with Kelly and Brittany, stopped us and said hello! And they gave us beer too! We love the O'Doherty family!
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Somervilles
We're at the library. A lady with a helmet sees our helmets, and asks us about our bikes. She invites us for a cuppa. We meet her husband and kids. Her husband is from Canada. He has a cousin in Thunder Bay. Named Jamie Rodgers. Jamie Rodgers? Red hair? Took Comp Sci at Lakehead? Does a passable impersonation of Dr. Hasegawa? You're joking! Jamie Rodger's cousin... in Julia Creek. Well, holy frickin' frack.
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John & Alice
These wacky folks introduced us to two handy things: the Solar Shower (a hanging black bag of sun heated water), and pineapple cordial. Luckily, the sun heats ALL our water, so we can always have a hot shower, with or without the Solar Shower. But pineapple cordial? Two litres of that can sweeten 20 litres of crummy bore water! We'll take two bottles!
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Henry, Martin and Jutta
As we learned last week, if you stay at a rest area long enough, somebody will give you a drink. We met these three German travellers, and were lucky enough for the drink to be beer. They were on an interesting package: Relocate a camper from Cairns to Alice Springs in 5 days (that's 2500km) and the use of the camper is free. Better get moving!
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Benny and the Rev
Benny's the dog. Reverend Kev is the guy. Believe it or not, we saw him twice, at the vehicle inspection station near Cloncurry, then again halfway to Mount Isa. His home is in his van, or, when he reaches a rest area, the rest area. Plants and everything.
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The Cosbys
This is Andrew, Amy, Eleisha and Sook Wei and Kermit (adopted). They're from Frankston, Victoria, and wouldn't you know it, we've been through that place on our way out to Philip Island. Okay, so it's not as cool as meeting Jamie Rodgers' cousin, but it's still neat.
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wally's amazin' facts!
The Dalrymple Shire is home to over 644,000 cattle! That's more cows than any other shire in Queensland! Holy... um... Mackarel!
This Week's Amazin' Fact: The Dunnart, a tiny marsupial thought by the 'experts' to be extinct, turned up super-duper unextinct in the Julia Creek area! Now they're breeding them in captivity! I read that on the back of a postcard!
Speaking of reading, ever wonder how Outback Queensland libraries have such great books? And new, too! Well,
start wondering, because you won't find out until later!
Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
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dean and the mount isa guy...
separated at birth?
 
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| Distance this week: 435km | Distance since Day 1: 2449km |
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What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!
Sign up today! Get crap in the mail tomorrow!
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Day 37: Our Hero
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16.7km
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35°
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1.5h
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5.0L
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Rolling Hills
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Allan's Farm
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 guess who's coming to tea?
A warm bed, home-cooked food, a newborn calf and a singing Aussie with a heart of gold. Who knew we were in for such an exciting evening?
Allan found us sitting outside of the Food Mart in Richmond, lapping up our Milo-enriched milk like a couple of half-starved kittens.
We immediately took a liking to each other and before we knew it he had taken us in and was feeding us, bathing us (not personally), and enriching our evening in a way that Milo can't.
Allan's a rare sort, overwhelming us with his spirit and warmth. Even his constant readjustment of Kev's name was wonderfully quirky and provided us with dozens of laughs throughout the night as we called each member of Allan's family so that they could talk to "The Canadians - Aimee & Keith."
If you ever find yourself in Richmond, head on up to Allan & Sue's Place (Sue was in Brisbane when we visited.) He lives 4km W of Richmond - the house on the hill, right after the road to Winton, with the red guardrails. Drop in for a cuppa and tell him we said G'Day.
That newborn calf's name is Kevin, by the way. Or maybe Keith. Either way, it's a nice gesture.
"I've never been called a 'sausage' before... I'm kind of flattered."
- Kevin.
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Day 41: Heart of Stone
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46.8km
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35°
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8.0h
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11.5L
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Treacherous
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Roadside 30km W of Cloncurry
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 i also do beef pies...
When you think of the hardships of an adventure like this, you think about the fatigue (whenever I type 'fatigue,' my high-school French pops us and I think 'fat-eee-gay' and start giggling. I want to stop, but I can't.) and you wonder whether your legs can handle the constant pedalling and if your well-being can handle the mental barriers. It never occurs to you that your hands won't be able to handle the heat.
In the past few days, my fingers have broken out with about two hundred little blisters that are alternatively itchy and painful. I ran into the Cloncurry pharmacy as soon as we arrived and shoved my hands at the slight woman behind the counter. "Look! What is it?! What can I do?!" I cried, exaggerating slightly for effect. After a few moments of hmmmming and awwwwing over my hands, she raised a finger and said wisely, "I've got a special lotion that I make myself that will work perfectly."
Does this happen often out here, people's hands blistering and bubbling out of the blue? For some reason, I felt as though I was in very good hands (ha) with this woman. Anyone who can make their own potions, especially for my ailments, is a good soul in my book.
She jumped down and turned around and gave me a wink, and came back with a film canister full of pink, sweet smelling cream. She wrote on the label: Mrs. Mac's Special Cream.
Will it work? Who knows. But whether it works or not, I feel somewhat special to have received this little jar of outback love.
"When you get to NT, watch out for the little lizards with the really big jaws."
- Cloncurry Local.
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Day 43: Do you want couscous with that?
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30.0km
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37°
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3.5h
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9.5L
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All Downhill
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Mount Isa
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 gimme an m
Let's get something straight right away. We're not the type of people who travel to another country and immediately head for the McDonald's because it's the only familiar food. We're much more interested in experiencing the local tucker than Macca's. That said, Macca's is still the only place anywhere where you can get an ice cream cone for 40 cents. There's something to be said for that. And using the drive-through makes it an excellent entertainment value - for us and the Macca Bees.
There's also a certain reassurance that we won't be seeing the golden arches for another 2000 kilometres. That's a pretty healthy McRatio to me.
Kevin: "They're going home with 144 Cokes!"
Aimee: "I'll bet that's good value."
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bludge:
(v.) to let someone else do all the work, to reap rewards from another's hard toils. One who 'bludges' is known as
a 'bludger'.
next stop, pottersville
barbed wire
win some, lose some
hump day
