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Meet Ken, the Banana Man. You want a banana, Ken's got a banana; some say Ken's got
the best bananas in the banana business. Yum!
Ken's a dinkum bloke. Every day, sometimes a couple times a day, Ken drives out to the
Banana Van, and hangs a few more banana sacks for the banana munchers of North Queensland.
And does he sit there with a shotgun to guard his stash? No! There's an Honesty Box
inside the truck... take some bananas, leave two dollars in the little box.
What a great guy! Nothing like this next chap though...
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the jackass report
This man is a jackass. Oh, he may look like an expert fisherman on the outside, and he may even have a second career. But
whatever he does in his spare time, first and foremost, he's a jackass.
We've encountered many a jackass on this trip. Some just in passing, others we've spent ample (too much) time having a jackass
chat with, but this one? This is the jackassest jackass we've met to date.
"Come on," you say, "sure he looks a little slow, but surely he can't be as bad as you say. What makes a jackass a jackass?"
It's very simple to define a jackass. A jackass is anyone who finds joy in discouragement. A jackass is anyone who, rather
than saying, "Good on ya!" says, "What a bloody stupid idea." A jackass would like to be there on the day you fail. Or,
if you do in some small glimmer of a chance succeed, God forbid, a jackass would like to be at the finish line just to say,
"I still think it was stupid."
Top Five Things the Jackass will Warn You About*
1. The heat
2. Lack of Water
3. Emptiness
4. Drugged truckies
5. "Centre people"
*for starters. If this doesn't work, he'll surely find something else.
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The jackass pictured above was particularily adamant about our failure. "When I see a cyclist on the road, I just think
'Dead Man Riding'," he told us. "And you're going North? Turn around, that's all I gotta say." But that wasn't all he had
to say at all. He actually talked and talked for another 45 minutes about more reasons why we shouldn't have even bothered
leaving the house that morning.
We didn't even learn his name. To us, he, and anyone else who has nothing encouraging to say, will always be known as The
Jackass. Enjoy your fish, Jackass. Enjoy your fish.
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snappy answers to stupid comments...
Just about every jackass we've met can be assessed as a jackass by his first few comments. Sometimes all it takes
is a good look at the trikes, but for others, they don't start trashing our trip until they know we're going all the way
around. One thing's for certain: they always think they're the first to let you know how dumb you are.
But we've heard them all before. What we need from you are some clever answers to some of these jackass comments. If you've
got a zinger, let us know and we'll put it into practice. Let em' have it!
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these are the people in our neighbourhood...
Don & Pam
We met this happy go lucky couple at Calliope River Rest Area, a very beautiful, very free camping area near Gladstone,
Qld. They shared a their barramundi with us, making Tuesday's dinner the best meal we'd had in weeks! For another fine
meal, Pam suggests road-roo. I don't think we're that hungry yet. See you in Ocean Grove!
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Terry & Ed
Back on Day 1, we received a cryptic message from a man in a trailer park: Go to the Raglan Tavern, and ask the man behind
the counter for "a glass of water and two straws". We did exactly that, and met Terry and Ed, owner and son of the Tavern,
a couple of funny guys. What did our cryptic message get us? A glass of water and two straws.
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The Driver Revivers
This is Peter, Fred, Agnes and Leonie, members of the North Mackay Lions Club, and savers of lives. At the Waverly Creek
Rest Area they were running the coffee and snack station, the perfect break for a hard-drivin' truckie or a couple of hard-ridin'
Canadian cyclists. Note: don't spell Agnes with a 'u': she was almost arrested because of it once.
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Paul
Anyone who gives us water we consider a friend. Anyone who gives us beer is a good friend. Anyone with a unicycle in his
combi-van is the best a friend can get. Paul had all three! He also had juggling clubs, a digeridoo, heaps of bananas, and
so many other wonderful things. His van was practically the Tickle Trunk! Mr. Dressup would be proud.
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wally's amazin' facts!
Did you think about how to get rid of sandfly bites? Sandfly "bites" aren't really bites at all... it's actually pee! The
sandfly pee causes the sting, which spreads when scratched. The solution? Soapy water.
This Week's Amazin' Fact: Did you know that you are legally allowed to camp on any town showground in Queensland? It's
the law! Just make sure there's no Early Bird's Rodeo scheduled for the next morning. Ouch!
Until next week, ask yourself this: Before cars or camels, what was the most common form of transportation in the outback?
Toodlee doo!
Don't forget to look for Wally this week!
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| Distance this week: 461km | Distance since Day 1: 940km |
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What is Bikeabout? Click here to find out!
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Day 9: Paving the Way to Refreshment
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38.0km
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27°
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4.0h
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3.0L
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Hilly, downish
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Miriam Vale Stinky Park
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 strong truckie bones
The preliminary results are in: East Queensland transport drivers are in no danger of developing osteoporosis.
When you drive as slowly as we do, you tend to keep a mental inventory of roadside rubbish. It's mostly petrol station snacks, quick bites, fast food wrappers, and the occasional article of clothing (75% of the time, underpants). The remnants of truckies past frequently taunt us by leaving half-full bottles (to them, I gather, half-empty) of spring water, Coke, and lemonade. They taunt us further with half-full bottles that look like lemonade at first, but are actually pee.
But the predominant snack drink of the Queensland traveller is, would you believe... milk? Flavoured milk, more precisely. Heaps and heaps of Breaka, Big M, Chill and especially Paul's Ice Break line the highways of the Sunshine Coast. It's good to know our truckies are getting the calcium they need.
"Smells like poopies."
- Kid in campground.
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Day 10: Roadside Rendezvous
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69.4km
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28°
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6.0h
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4.0L
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Easy stuff
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Calliope River Rest Area
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 celebrity sighting!
We've been waiting for this day for a long time. Since the beginning of the American roadtrip, we've been picturing a day in our minds, where a car comes to a screeching halt on the side of the highway in the middle of nowhere, people jump out with cameras in hand, and say, "Are you Kevin and Aimee?" A day like that would mark the beginning of our lives as self-made,
online celebrities.
Today, it finally happened. Fiona and Stella, the two lovely ladies pictured right, swung by us on the highway, waving excitedly, then pulled into a driveway shortly up the road. As it turns out, they work in the office next to Billy Gusset, father of Justin Gusset, who is the hotshot fixit dude at Frank's Cycles who tuned us up in Brisbane just days before we headed out on this adventure.
Technically, I suppose that makes them a friend of a dad of a friend, but since we didn't know them and they knew us, isn't that practically the definition of a celebrity? How soon before someone snaps a candid photo of Aimee at a Kennedy Compound shindig? How soon before cool kids everywhere are wearing a grubby, smelly Tony's T-shirt to school, since that's what I wear almost every day? How soon (gulp) before our 15 minutes of fame are up, and we go the way of Kirk Cameron, Tiffany, Cabbage Patch Kids and He-Man? Only time will tell.
"You could die tomorrow and then all the jackasses of the world can say at the same time, 'well, at least I was smart enough not to leave my house today.'"
- Kevin.
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Day 11: Wobbly Wallaby
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111.1km
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26°
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10.5h
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7.5L
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Flat, nice ride
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Rocky Big4
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 doing what we can
We came across an injured wallaby today. The poor little guy had come a little too close to the road that morning, and had been clipped by a car. At first it looked like he only had a small cut on the side of his head, maybe just a mild concussion that made him forget how to hop, but on a closer inspection, we realized his leg was twisted pretty badly. He was in pretty rough shape.
As far as we could determine, Australia is lacking in the way of predators, especially for something wallaby-sized. Given the chance, maybe this little guy future could turn out all right. We left him a few pieces of bread, soaked the bread down with water, and gave him a little cup of water on the side. He accepted it thankfully, we bid him adieu, and promised to ask at an animal hospital in the next town.
The next town wasn't much more than a pub and a general store. We asked at the store if there was something they could do for him. With all the downhome country charm he could muster, he replied, "Bash 'im over the head wiff a rock; that's how we do fings 'round 'ere." We can only hope that our nursing methods did the wallaby more good than his suggestion. Good luck, little guy! Don't give up the fight!
"If we found out he was related to your neighbours it wouldn't surprise me."
- Aimee.
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Day 12: Rocky Road
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0.4km
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27°
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5m
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4.0L
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One speedbump
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Rocky Big4
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 a day of rest
If you didn't happen to notice the distance we covered yesterday, go back and look now. 111.1 km is a big day for a couple of slowpokes like us... our biggest day yet, actually! (For those of you who haven't entered the Bikeabout Betting Pool yet, there's a benchmark for you for question 7.)
Rockhampton (also question 9) is located right on the Tropic of Capricorn, and when you're heading for the equator, you know it ain't gettin' any cooler. We took a day's rest at the Rocky Big 4 Caravan Park, resting, relaxing, swimming, sleeping, and of course, working on the website. Sigh. For us, a day off usually means the computer's on.
"$8.00? How about giving us the nationwide internet cyclist discount?"
- Kevin.
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Day 14: If you can't beat him...
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89.8km
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26°
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9.5h
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7.5L
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Hilly morning, flat arvo
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Waverly Creek
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 cirque de restarea
Typically, we create a bit of a hullabaloo when we pedal our Penninger quincycle into a popular camping area. Within microseconds of having pulled in, it's practically a press conference. Kev fields the questions, Aim sets up the tent. (Kev's more of a people person. I'm not necessarily a tent person, but I make do.) You can imagine our surprise when we pulled into the Waverly Creek Rest Area to find that there was already a commotion going on - a commotion that had nothing to do with us!
The Lions Club of North Mackay had set up a Driver Reviver program, a great little pseudo-cafe and snack bar to keep truckies & travellers awake. The Lions were offering anyone who stopped an assortment of wonderful goodies - coffee, tea, bikkies, cold water, cordial, even some corned ham if you happened to look pitiful enough (we did). All free of charge! It was a feast for kings. All we needed was a court jester...
Then, Paul showed up. At first he looked like just an ordinary bloke - I mean, a nice bloke, since he did top up our water, and supply us with bananas and beer (I told you this was a great rest area). But it wasn't until we looked in the front seat of his combi-van that we realized he was exactly what this gong show of a rest area needed... He had a juggling set and a unicycle! The jester had arrived.
For that other family of seven kids driving back from Steve Irwin's Australia Zoo during school holidays, the Waverly Creek Circus probably did them better than free coffee.
"How did I get stuck with these bloody cats?"
- Lorry Ward.
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Day 15: Tell the Hole Bunch!
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73.0km
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31°
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7.0h
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5.0L
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Slow Uphill
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Carmila Beach
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 fruitstand by me
There's nothing better than a roadside banana stand to make you feel like you're in the tropics. If it were entirely up to me (wait until I'm the one steering, and then it will be...) I'd stop at each and every fruit stand this side of the black stump. Heck, I'd buy whatever a farmer was selling if he wrote a homemade sign and put it on a table beside the road. Doesn't really matter what it is, it could be apples, turnips, pizza, camels, or stepladders. "Hey Kev!" I'd say, "There's a roadside stand! Hey farmer, are those pizzas fresh?"
"Sure thing, sweetpea. Picked 'em myself this morning. And they're seedless!"
"Gimme two then. But not too ripe, we'll probably eat one today and the other tomorrow. That one's good, it's still a little green." And off we'd go, onto the sunset, with a bag of fresh-picked pizza. Best deal in the state!
"Daddy put water in the fuel tank by mistake!"
- Chicken.
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go troppo:
(sl.) snap, lose it, go psycho from the crazy North heat.
whenever, wherever
